Under a Starless Sky novel Chapter 89

“Relax, relax, relax.” Shen heard Loxy in his ears. “I got you, breathe…”

There is a breaking point, a place where Co2 has increased so much that one must breathe in, even against an urge not to breathe when submerged in liquid. Shen and Tama were past that, due to the field taking their breath and ravaging their body with pain, accelerating the depletion of their body’s oxygen. The next inhibitor is when something wrong hits the larynx- an urge even greater than the compulsion to inhale shuts down the throat, and people can suffocate without any liquid hitting lungs. The pain and desperateness caused a delay in that reaction and so golden light hit their lungs, forcing coughing, vomiting, and rebreathing golden light. A person can be conscious during this process. Shen felt Loxy taking over muscle control- a thing tulpas can do, but something she had never done before, not without permission. She relaxed him to the point that he inhaled more golden light into his lung. If he didn’t know any better, the golden specks were codeine. He felt warmth rushing his body.

“Breathe,” Loxy said. “That’s it.”

He opened his eyes. He blinked but adapted quickly to the liquid. He flattened his nose, wanting it out. Tama appeared to be unconscious, but her lungs moved. The Lily unfolded, revealing they were in an underwater world. Unbeknownst to him, once they were caught in the rose, it severed from the vine and plummeted, and was dropped into the sea below. Because he had not experienced a fall, he wondered if this underwater place was illusion, something mother was providing for his benefit- something to make him relax into his death even further. The sea floor held many rose bud like pods. Some were opened, transformed into lilies. A variety of octopi were there to greet them. Angel Octopi swept in and took Tama. A rainbow blanket octopus accompanied them.

A Dumbo octopus hovered by Shen’s head. “Do not be afraid.” The voice was in his head. A giant Megaleledonidae took Shen’s arm and dragged him up and along the sea floor, bringing him back into eye sight of Tama. A blue whale moaned, and the water churned light. All manner of bioluminescent fish and plant were excited and shiny. There were more colors present than he thought was possible. A singled light as bright as sunlight bathed Tama. A bioluminescent Octopus, or Stauroteuthis syrtensis, was tentatively touching her. It was gentle. It was intimate. It remind him of a Vulcan preparing to do a mind-meld.

“Oa?” Shen asked.

“Yes,” the Dumbo octopus said.

Another creature came at Tama. It removed her hair, allowing it to drift away. Fish swarmed in and took pieces and went away.

“Am I dreaming?” Shen asked.

“Are you?” the Dumbo octopus asked.

Oa enveloped Tama, merging with her, covering her head. It wavered in appearance, becoming a mask. The face was less Tama, but held features of the same. Oa disappeared. Hair was camouflaged, clinging to the body as if were pasted on, or shellacked. She appeared to be awake. She righted herself. She spun, marveling at her hands and feet, the way her dress moved in the water. She came to Shen and took his hand. She started for the surface.

“Go, child. You cannot stay here longer without a joining,” the Dumbo octopus said.

Shen pushed on the ground and rose. Tama and Oa went with. The giant Megaleledonidae accelerated their ascent, holding them both by the waist. The water around them became suddenly cold. The waters were darker. It became impossible to see, either with eye, or ears, or heart. It was simply a churning of indecipherable sensations. Only the fact that he was held gave comfort. And then there were hand grabbing arms and pulling him onto the shore. Someone pounded his back as he vomited and coughed. There were voices speaking to him, comforting him. He heard the unmistakable sound of an air-vaccine gun popping, and felt the sting on his arm. He hadn’t recovered enough to even protest. As much as he hated the liquid in him, he discovered he didn’t want to give up the opiate feel that came with it. He felt as if he were vomiting light. A large towel, large enough to be a blanket, was brought and wrapped around him. He went with them like child who has been with fever; he simply went were directed. Tama/Oa had their own volition. They walked across a stone floor to a fire. Above was a constellation of glow worms. Both Shen and Tama/Oa were undressed and given dry, warm clothes, handmade. Knitted clothes that fit perfectly. They were invited to sit and given hot drinks. While they drank, their feet were cleaned and then adorned with knitted socks.

Shen wanted to ask questions, and yet he didn’t want to speak. His throat felt numb. The drink warmed him in a different way than the golden light. Tama/Oa drank as well. He saw her in two lights, one as a human drinking normally. The other was more surreal, as if Spiderman had raised his mask just high enough to drink. The latter was so disturbing that he chose not to see it, and from there on, he only saw the human drinking.

The people here spanned the continuum of human, all colors, all sizes, with one feature all in common- they had shellacked hair. Some hair was straight, tight against flesh- as having just stepped from the shower. Some had curls. It was obvious to him, these were conjoined creatures. The people were dressed in earth tone colors. It was homemade, wool- knitted, with simple designs that were woven into the patterns.

“Hello again, and for the first time,” Tama/Oa spoke. He blinked: he recognized her as the lead that had come to him during his suicide attempt in the cave. He recognize several others here as that.

“Tama? Oa?” Shen asked. “I don’t know how to address you.”

“How about Tamoa?” she asked. “Tama is here, Oa is here, but I am dominant.”

“You brought me here?” Shen asked.

“We had consensus,” Tamoa said. “Oa was involved, but not I. Tama was involved, but not she. You were involved, but not you.”

“That’s confusing,” Shen said.

“A magician of your caliber, confused?” Tamoa said.

One of the conjoined brought him another warm drink. “It will help.” She exchanged cups. “Drink it while warm.”

He drank. They seemed happy that he was here, as if this were nothing more than a surprise family get together.

“What happens now?” Shen asked.

“We wait and see.”

“Wait and see what?” Shen asked.

“How the world evolves,” Tamoa said.

“What happens to me?” Shen asked.

“What would you like to happen?” Tamoa said.

“I want to return home now,” Shen said.

“We intend to send you home,” Tamoa said.

“To Shangri-La,” Shen said.

“You cannot go back to the surface,” Tamoa said. “Not in this present form. You may become spirit, and through the trees find a family and be reborn. You may remain here with us as you are, become one with another. There are many who are interested in a joining with you.” She displayed a face of amused confusion. “We are surprised by your deliberation. We thought you wanted to return to origin point.”

“I have family here. People I love,” Shen said. He was angry. ‘Fuck, how can I be angry after death?!’ he asked himself. “If I chose to reincarnate, or remain here in a joining, I will cease to be?”

“You will always remain, even if encapsulated by new form. You are not the child you were, nor are you the adult you will be, but you are in your becoming, accepted and wanted,” Tamoa said.

Shen cried. “Do you know how painful it is to decide? I have people I love here. I people I love there. Why did you do this to me?!”

“You wanted to know how much love you had in you,” Tamoa said. “You brought light to our world. If you tarry, you will change, and be unchanged. You will return to origin changed, but unchanged.”

“I will return to origin?”

“Whether you tarry here or not, you will return, changed but unchanged,” Tamoa said. “It is the way it has been forever.”

“I have to return.”

“You don’t HAVE to do anything. Everyone returns.”

“I don’t know what to do,” Shen said.

“No rush. We can wait,” Tamoa said. Another drink was brought. “I am sure you have many questions.”

“You’re damn right I do…”