Under a Starless Sky novel Chapter 57

Shen woke, his head in TL’s lap. He sat up, orientating to a moving world, and it came back to him. His first thought was no waterbed, ever. TL was watching him. He stood, found the sun in front of them, just off the horizon. He heard Arne laughing with Erico. Shen wanted to end the laughter. Hadn’t he lost crew? How soon does one laugh after losing crew? He told himself to suspend judgment. This was not his world. He didn’t know enough. Even in his own world he didn’t know enough.

Shen didn’t fully meet TL’s eyes, but he looked towards her, and offered a hand. She took it, and he pulled her to her feet.

“You okay?”

“I need to pee and poop,” Shen said.

“I will show you where the bucket is,” TL said.

“Their toilet is very unappealing. Can’t you just beam it out?” Shen asked.

“You need to do your business,” TL said. “Unused muscles will atrophy.”

“I’ll wait for land, then,” Shen said.

“I wonder who will win, the sea or Shen,” TL said. “As a nurse, I can tell you, holding it is bad.”

“Routine holding is bad,” Shen said.

He offered his arm. She accepted and he led her back to Arne’s fellowship.

“Good Light, Brother,” Arne said.

“I see,” Shen said. “May we join you?”

“Of course,” Arne said. “Erico, get him food and drink.”

“Wait,” Shen said. “May I speak with you?”

“Come aft,” Arne invited.

“No. I wish to speak to all of you,” Shen said.

Arne let out whistle. People immediately gathered, accept the man in the watching for land position. “You will be heard.”

“Jon?” TL asked.

Shen repositioned his arm so that he was now holding her hand. He squeezed, reassuringly. “I am sorry for my mood and behavior…”

“You don’t have to…” Erico said.

“Let him finish,” Arne said. “Go on, Shen. You will be heard.”

Shen looked at the deck. His boots seemed out of place. They were out of place. The style of these Vikings were a blending of traditional and ultra-modern. Jerica’s legs were revealed as a breeze moved across the deck and caught her asymmetrical dress, where Yaffa and Torny wore dresses that fell below their boot tops.

“This present darkness is not about you. And it’s not about Jazmyne,” Shen said. He frowned and looked at TL, thinking he heard something. There was nothing there; she was listening. “This darkness was always in me. Jazmyne could not have appealed to me otherwise. Even a revulsion would have been me reacting to myself. She has revealed something I need to contend with.”

“You intend to return to your isolation…” Jerica said.

“Let him finish,” Arne said.

“No,” Jerica said. “He’s not ready to face the darkness, and he shouldn’t be alone. There’s eyes enough here to see the solidity of that.”

“I am not ready for her. For that. Well, fuck, is anyone ever ready? My clarity and resolve is fading and I will be reduced to rambling idiot in a moment. What you should know- I am grateful in my unknowing. I am grateful for you, Loxy. Arne, Jerica, all of you, I am grateful for your company and your tolerance of me. Erico, if you allow me to translate what I think you were going to say, I don’t have to apologize because it’s not my fault. Yes, it’s my fault. That is explanation, not blame. At some point I must own that fault. If I have a lotus addiction, I don’t keep lotus on the table. I am strong now, but I am not always strong. I will face Jazmyne again. Not today. Jerica, I do not want to return to isolation. I need the company of good men and women. I need you. All of you. That’s it.”

Arne hugged him. It was sudden and took his breath. “You will never be alone, brother.”

Shen coughed, “With caveats.”

Arne released the hug and held him by the arms and looked him in the eyes. “Caveats are for friends. You and I are family. That is unending.”

“Families have caveats,” Shen said. “Usually more than friends.”

“Sometimes, little brother,” Arne said.

“I am older than you,” Shen said.

“No you’re not,” Arne said.

“Yes, I am,” Shen said.

“He’s taller than you,” Erico said.

“Everyone here is taller than him,” Orton said.

They all laughed. They all hugged him as one.

“Oh, back up, I think he needs to feed the fish,” someone said.

“Why are the shadows moving?” Shen said.

“Jon?!” TL said.

Everyone was still. They looked up at the sun. It was moving in an odd way across the sky in real time.

“Path change!” Torny shouted. She and the sisters ran for their books.

“Secure everything,” Arne shouted. “Bring down the sails. Go go go…”

“What’s going on?” Shen asked.

“Find rope, tie yourself and Loxy to the ship,” Arne said. He ran off to help his crew secure the ship.

Shen looked to Loxy.

“The world’s axis is changing,” TL said.

TL turned to the sisters who were debating numbers, looking at their books, and the abstract calendars they used for measuring time. She went there to listen.

“It hasn’t been a full season yet,” Yaffa was saying. “Hem’s daughter isn’t even four.”

“I have not missed in count…” Torny said.

“Your counts aren’t wrong,” TL said. “Nor is your math. You are just missing data.”

They looked at her. TL looked to Shen.