Soon as we get out the door Mico flanks me on one side with Alexi on the other and we are instantly surrounded by more Carrero security. Like a black wall that’s impenetrable and offers instant calm to my frazzled brain. Guiding us efficiently and shielding us from all angles. Overkill, but I guess I’m thankful for it.
“What about the rest of her outfit?” Alexi asks as we walk briskly out of the building, the first to leave, but I can already hear chairs scraping as others depart, now we have. Some of them eager to walk away now they've found a resolution to this debacle.
It’s weird how something that hung over us for months is tied up with a bow in one very brief sitting. I can’t get my head around the fact the threat is gone, and I no longer need to live under house arrest for any reason. A sudden lightness to my mood as the heavy weight of burden is lifted.
“Most departed as soon as they heard their source of income was about to be put down. No one is loyal when they’re hired hands. Santagato’s men have already taken down anyone true to her. We stayed back and watched, exactly like you said. No Carrero laid hands on any of them, nothing comes back to us.” Mico touches his earpiece and mutters something under his breath for his men’s ears only. Stalling so he falls behind us slightly and I try to just continue with my graceful, poised walk out of this miserable place.
I slide my arm in Alexi’s, needing him to be more normal for me right now, aching for his touch as my heart rate still pounds erratically through my body, silently clinging on, but he continues talking. Too aware that we are on show and he can’t let that mask drop just yet, not even for me while in public.
“Good. I’ll call my father and tell him it’s done. He can inform the family that Santagato chose his own repay. Carrero didn’t issue any orders. Can’t be pissed if I didn’t disobey them.” He sounds smug, satisfied with the hand he played, and somehow miraculously got the outcome he wanted all along—clever bastard.
Even I have to admit that’s probably a smart way around it.
“An eventful weekend all round.” Mico reappears by my side with a smile on his face and Alexi smiles too, glancing my way with a loaded look. Understatement of the century.
I don’t know how to feel if I’m being honest. I just gave the final command to end that woman’s life and I should feel something. Maybe guilt or regret but there is an empty black hole in my gut, and I feel like I’m disconnected to my surroundings now we are no longer in that room. Stuck in a dreamlike haze. Maybe because I spent my life dissociating with horrible things, so it’s like second nature and I can just shrug it off and leave it behind me. Maybe this is how Alexi deals with shit. He’s normalised trauma and heinous acts and can drop them by the door as he walks away like an unwanted sack of rubble.
I feel out of whack and jump when Alexi’s hand slides across my back and snaps me back to reality. I realise we are out on the street, standing at the car door, and he is trying to guide me inside away from prying eyes. I have turned zombie on him and shivering with the after-effects of that room. Mental state deteriorating a tad.
“Just hold it in for a few more minutes until we are out of sight, and earshot.” He whispers huskily in my ear, kissing me on my temple to hide his rushed prompt. I bite on my bottom lip, get in the car while holding onto his arm and slide across to let him in quickly. He follows suit, gets in and immediately pulls out his phone and looks down to type. Staying in role and I try to not rush over to throw myself at him despite needing to so badly. I’m folding in on myself internally and I need my rock and anchor to help me get my head back on track. I need my gentle Lexi, not this Mafia boss beside me.
I catch a glimpse of men in the hoards departing the building, splitting into cars and just keep my eyes forward on the road, face tight and emotions in check. We are still on show which I guess is why Alexi is not touching me a lot. They would see it as weak or odd for him to be tenderly mollycoddling me after that little scene. These are men who deal with far worse, so if he is seen tending to my fragile self after something so minor, it would prove I don’t have the constitution for this life, and he’s going soft.
It’s all smoke and mirrors and games.
I keep it together with all my might, watching the road as Mico and our escort of cars navigate through the tight little streets of the colourful Chinatown and gets us back on track, heading out to Upper Manhattan. Back into fast traffic and homeward bound.
Once we lose most of the foreign cars that had followed us, Alexi turns to check over his shoulder and the side windows before turning to me, scoots closer, pulls me against him in a hug and slides his arm around me. Secure in the knowledge we are finally out of sight and he knows I desperately need him in this way.
“You okay? I’m sorry I had to put you through that, but it was necessary.” He slides both arms around me to envelop me, pulling me in tightly so my seatbelt strains and I rest my cheek on his chest; I close my eyes to breathe him in and return to that safety he always makes me feel. Unloading the heavy weight of everything like dumping off a huge thick coat. Suddenly able to breathe and realise how tightly I was holding myself until this moment. I dissolve into a mess of loose limbs now he has me. I can let it go, knowing he will take the burden away.
“I will be. It was a shock. You should have warned me what was coming, Lexi. I could have prepared myself for that.” My voice trembles and I close my eyes as his finger traces my cheek and brushes my hair away from my face tenderly. So familiar, and so necessary for me.
“I didn’t know for sure it would. Santagato was still trying to get a reach out on everyone in her organisation until I got that text. We weren’t sure if we had everyone covered as the meeting was so rushed and last minute. We had no room for error or backlash. It had to be one even sweep or it wasn’t happening.” He kisses me on top of my head, lingering to inhale my scent and ground me fully; I slide my arms around him and deflate completely. Head whirling with images of men suffocating right in front of my face. Pushing the horror away along with the broken face of that woman. I shudder slightly as I close them down tight in a black hole far in the depths of my mind.
“So, they're all gone?”
The complete wipeout of a threat in a very organised hour. It’s mind-boggling that they could orchestrate that kind of efficiency in just one night.
“She had a lot of paid guns who were only too happy to walk away to fight another day. Her trust circle was small, and the two men with her were her stepsons, not blood. Their father died years ago. There is no one to come after this. It’s over. Her family abroad won’t retaliate, they wanted nothing to do with this.” He assures me and there is no hint of dishonesty in his tone. It really is over.
I’m guessing they reached out via his father and checked what the outcome of doing something to her would be. Her family clearly had more sense than she did.
“What a stupid woman. Thinking she could take on the likes of you lot and live to tell the tale.” I shake my head, pulling back to get lost in those calming grey eyes. Finding the safe harbour in the pale unearthly beauty.
“She thought she had figured it all out, much like her idiot father did decades ago. Come in with a show of force and put fear into the other heads. Bully them into letting you lead. The logic is flawed. You should always know your opponents and their capabilities before throwing down a gauntlet. I was never going to just brush this off.”
“She wanted power and position. She just went about it in the worst way.” I understand the silly girl’s logic and I blanch at why she ever thought it would work. These are men who have power and a ruthless desire to keep it. They don’t hand it over to women with attitude that easily. Her gender was the first fault in her plan.
“Should have married me, huh; maybe she would be sitting at the head of the next table issuing orders if she had.” He jests but I don’t smile. This whole bizarre scene wasn’t funny, but I see the funny in what he said. I spent my life trying to be someone and in one drunken Elvis service, I’m suddenly a respected figure among the men I hated and endured my entire life. It really is a fucked-up world out there.
She wanted this power; she fought and killed for it, and where is she now. Left in a room with murderous men who will make her last hours hell on earth, for merely trying to get what they have, in ways they probably gained it to begin with. The imbalance of this misogynist world we live in.
“Let’s go home. This has been a hellish few days and I just want to curl up and have a normal day to forget all this.” I’m exhausted, mentally and physically, and feel like we've been stuck in an emotional whirlwind for the last few days. I want nothing more than his couch, Alexi and Lync curled up beside me, some mindless Netflix box set and a good glass of red wine. Pretending none of this is real. Like normal people do. Home sounds like the most amazing thing at this moment.
and put this all to bed. To forget, to be wrapped in the bubble of ‘Camlexi’ where this reality is a blur and doesn’t really touch
need to go out later, but you can have me all to yourself for a few hours first. My father is flying in, we have a board meeting tonight to talk about how this went
want
free of the responsibility of heading this family and having so many rely on him. This is what happens when you marry the King. I knew this when I got
most have no concept of. The place he has been dwelling most of his life with his men, his father and anyone else who has to wear
embrace and sigh heavily, everything seeping away so there is only the feel of him and all the
start living and work on this crazy marriage of
the wife.” He chuckles in a funny retort and gets a swift slap in the abdomen for his cheek. My unamused scowl at his jest before he hauls me
end to the conversation and reminding me of all the reasons he makes
which I know I’m capable of. I have witnessed some awful things in life, been at the receiving end and still lived to tell the tale. Guilt is something I’m good at letting go of and I’m sure in a few days
fucked with
we go from here. There is so much up in the air clogging up my brain and now we are back on home turf and I’m free to wander about in my life without severe security, I intend to sort it out once and for
by two men up to our floor who then vacate to the little security room with the regular staff here. Leaving us to our home with privacy as though they are not even here. It’s all very swift and silent and Alexi barely acknowledges
so I will put my foot down and cling onto that little gem as my permanent bodyguard. Alexi will say yes because it’s me and I’m learning that he rarely refuses me if I ask in the
can wrap around my
we walk into the open living room, the gorgeous smell and sight of his home, air filled with something delicious from Mrs Capone, bubbling on the stove for our arrival. Alexi steps in front of me and commands him ‘down’ before he takes a flying leap at us in his excitement. He is a flurry of wagging, fluffy, ecstatic wriggling to get against us and
surroundings that have quickly become necessary to me. An extension of him so no wonder it feels right. I wouldn’t change
sitting area, discarding bag, jacket and shoes as I go. Relieved to be doing so. I give them their few minutes of male bonding time as I
I’m being honest, I wouldn’t mind if this is the permanent home. He hasn’t mentioned if it will be, but I would assume so seeing as this is Alexi’s choice of home. It’s the best of all worlds, really. Has
and never feel caged in. It’s perfection in a building and it’s both sides of
not love it
towards the stairs near his office. Wondering when the hell he had something for me sent here and when he even arranged it or why. I should get used to his surprises, he’s a man of sentiment and I guess he will fill my future
this is the best timing for something romantic and gifted, but then again, maybe it
sink back on the couch and lazily channel hop while trying to clear my mind of images of what we just left. Hating that they are plaguing me, but then it’s only just
one or two other men in the past few months has, and over time, I might not
and she brought it on herself. She tried to take me twice and I have no doubt she intended to have me killed. She’s
was the lack of human response in that room. All those men, uncaring and disregarding human life so easily. No one was shocked or scared that they were murdering people in front of them. No one worrying about the backlash. It’s horrible to know people like that exist in the world and they do such things with the same nonchalance as someone taking the rubbish out. It’s a normal way of life for them. None of them cared at all, and I doubt any are sitting mulling it
up and let it go. I made my bed, and I accepted all of this. It’s not much worse than the shit I have done in my past and it’s something
box, and it distracts me from my thoughts, sitting me up with
wear hats, right?” I point out with a tone that sounds a little condescending. Not sure why in hell he would suddenly buy me one and despite myself, I feel stupidly disappointed. I don’t
pushing Lync back who seems overly interested in it for some reason. Sniffing it in a rather rabid manner and almost breaking my leg with his ecstatic tail wagging. Whatever the hat is made of, it clearly gets dogs excited, which
him. Looking cool as a cucumber despite my obvious lack of
He’s strange.
a good distraction.” He smiles at me softly, no hint of anything suggesting he’s worried I'll hate it, and I just blink at
all, and I have visions of some
has to be something equally significant to celebrate my move to Queen Carrero. Maybe Rick’s ashes or some shit. I don’t know, Alexi can be weird
not that weird, maybe I need to stop with the over-thinking sometimes, I even scare myself with my conclusions that are never right. It might not be ashes … it might be someone’s hand or
Okay, Camilla, stop now.
even freak myself
his head at me, almost like he can hear my babbling
you, London. I sometimes wonder what goes on in your head. It’s not a body part. It’s not something disturbing. I’m not
and shove his arm away as he tries to prod me in
more surprises after this morning. If it’s not
hauling the lid off rather than answer me and pulls the box closer to the edge of the table. That impulsive streak of his would be almost adorable if he wasn’t such a stroppy git with it
I screw up my face and lean forward to scrutinise the contents, warily edging nearer in case it’s some sort of jack in the box waving around someone’s ring finger
to Alexi when it lets out a sad, pathetic little miaow. A tiny wail that stops me in my tracks and makes me peer
glare I throw him
feral