‘‘What do you think it was then? To me, it was a fuck with a means to an end. I needed you quiet and rational and it worked, get over it.’’ He sounds so cold it stabs me in the heart multiple times. Eyes the palest grey and devoid of humanity, reminding me of the bastard that he really is, and it sobers my insanity right up.
Aware there are eyes in this room and he’s right. I am making a complete fool of myself by practically sobbing at his feet.
‘‘I won’t see you anymore, will I? You’re washing your hands of the problem and sending me anywhere you won’t have to deal with me.’’ I sound broken and I feel worse, it’s like I can barely breathe.
‘‘Go upstairs and pack your shit. Mico is taking you to the airfield at seven.’’ Alexi brushes me off, swiping my hand away that had still been clinging to his jacket like a lost child and I just burst out crying irrationally.
‘’If you make me go then I’ll talk. I’ll tell about everything you do, I’ll go to the feds and fuck up your life.’’ It's stupid desperation, a crazy woman’s attempt to cling on to someone who doesn’t want her and it’s completely the wrong thing to say. I know as soon as it comes out of my mouth that I am completely fucking stupid in every way.
Alexi spins on me in an angry flash, grabs me by the throat and walks me backwards at speed with so much force I smash into the door of the nearest boudoir and almost wind myself. It’s fright more than agony and I flail and grab his wrist as he pins me to the door with all the aggression of the monster I know he can be.
‘’Do you forget who you’re threatening?’’ He snarls it right in my face so his breath fans my mouth and I gulp, sobering my dramatics. I quiver under that hateful penetrating glare, trembling with fear.
‘‘One snap and I wouldn’t even miss you, so don’t push me and just take your chance to get the fuck out of my life. Run as far away from me as you like because this time, you have my blessing.’’ It’s so controlled and low. Deadly serious, that tone I have always been afraid of and that look in his eye he had after he took care of that man in his office.
He’s a stone-cold killer and I should know better than to rage a war against him. I sob, not so much from the force of his grip because he’s not really hurting me, choking slightly, but that’s clearly not his goal. It’s more from the shock of his aggression and the cruel bite of his words in my face. Growling, cold and hateful like he’s always been, I shouldn’t even be surprised.
‘‘I don’t want to go,’’ I whisper it weakly, pathetically feeble and considering what he is doing to me so stupid. He just drops his hold on me, so I fall into a slump at his feet with the sudden release. My body giving in completely.
‘’I don’t give a shit what you want. I want you gone. You have done nothing but cause me headaches from day one, and I can’t deal with you anymore. You’re no fun anymore, London. This got pitiful and boring.’’ He just looks like he means it and everything I had inside of me that was clinging to any tiny hint of light, falls to ashes.
on the floor looking up at him brokenly, nothing left of me anymore, and I just want to know why he even bothered. Alexi looks down at me with disdain across that face. Moves back so his foot isn’t touching me and just shakes his head at the distasteful sight I make in front of
he turns and walks towards Joanne and takes her by the arm without looking back and possessively tugs her away with him towards
say that to me?’’ I call after him in one last-ditch attempt to appeal to that softness somewhere inside of him.
overvaluing your worth to me. You’re nothing but a whore.’’ It’s like being shot in the heart at close range, calling me that … labelling me as that again. He knows how to really wound with very few words. I break
than once at the hands of people who were supposed to care for me. I held my shit together when I got to America, living on the streets with no money or shelter
all of me with just his words. Left sobbing on a club floor, and left to his minions to get rid of me. Throwing me out
me. Standing in the damp grey light
just like that, no more worth to him, no feeling, nothing. No longer obsessed with his ownership of me, and I’m just a problem he wants rid of, so he’s sending me to be someone else’s headache. I have no choice. As long
I don’t have to be persuaded to go either. The fact he left me sobbing on his club floor and walked away to let me, said it all. He is exactly who I thought he was. A cold bastard that used me for his own ends, chewed me up and spat
was completely
on that club floor, and she won’t be the last. I don’t even take any consolation from that thought at all,
on me and walks away to take the call. I’m left sitting here numb and devoid of life. Staring at
on its head to start somewhere else, somewhere new with a new wave of strangers who will no doubt use me to some advantage that isn’t to benefit me
wrinkled, face tear stained and limp red hair. I don’t care about anything, and
like dead weights and just sit that way to await my fate. I am so tired all the time and that
a few minutes talking before
storm brewing.
depression