You Saved Me Once Book 1
Chapter 41: 25I Don’t Know Why
Life after I fucked up everything, again. I’m back to living more lies, back to memories from the past that make me sick to my stomach. Back to smiling, behind the tears. Back to, the red room to develop my secrets. Back to, avoiding food.
All because, of Hayes.
He wasn’t to blame, I choose to feel this way. Because I can’t hate him, I blame Hayes, for loving him too much.
Hayes knows I love him, or he should. I know kissing him was wrong, for more than one reason. I knew he was with Rochelle and did it anyways. It was the secret that I was keeping, that made what I did, even worse. It would make Hayes’s reaction small. It would make me, sick.
Our lips have met before, but that was a different time.
I feel gross again.
That night when Hayes went to Shiloh Ridge, I wanted to fol-low him. I wanted to drive around that town, in his car and find him. Make sure he was okay, even though I knew he wasn’t. I wanted to hold him, I wanted him to hold me like when we were younger. I wanted him to rub my back and make me feel better.
He’ll never do that again. I most-likely, won’t see him ever again.
It’s been weeks, and his car that I parked out front for him, hasn’t moved. Hayes hasn’t come back to Versa yet, he might never come back. It took him 3 years for me to see him again, to hear him again, to hold him again. If he ever comes back, I’ll be long gone.
These thoughts are what keep me up at night. These thoughts are what feed the butterflies in my stomach. I feared the worst, with a guilty conscious.
~~~~~
out of nowhere and wakes me
honey.” She
sleeping in the red room at school. I was waiting for my
to
is it?”
“Nine-o-clock at night, sweetie.” Her
her calm voice, it was too
leave school, and
~~~~~
has changed in such short time. After I kissed Hayes, I talked to
about the kiss, of course. I keep too many secrets, to even let
parties. I stopped talk-ing to her in school, and out of school. I lied and told her I had
Jeff. When he recovered,
feel so
the lights, just the muted laughs, and the freezing cold. I’m so cold, without
too blue. More sad memories come to
~~~~~
blue, grey, and cold