You Saved Me Once Book 1

I was a freshman. We are supposed to be young, innocent, and youthful. I was none of those things, anymore. During the holiday break freshmen year, I did something. It’s another secret. Because of that secret I’m now cold, blue, and sick.

It’s been two months, since the funeral. I feel worse than before, everything sucks. I feel like I’m pushing myself too much. I was too sick that day, I should’ve stayed home.

Food is minimal now, it’s been this way for a while. After the fu-neral, I could only eat one thing, pizza. I should’ve eaten more. My habit started to make me look different. I wore heavy clothes now, warm clothes. Many layers.

I force myself to move, if I stayed still too long the secrets would flutter inside. I tried to make it through the day, gym was the first class.

Everyone just got back from winter break. Everyone is sluggish, wet, and cold. Our gym shoes are pressed with wet snow, we dry them on the gym mats, we fail. Our slippery sneakers squeak against the polished gym floor. Everything smelt cold, and wet.

I came in late. I was crying in the bathroom.

Class has already started, but it felt like it stopped once I walked in.

The volume lowered, the balls stopped bouncing, the sneaker squeaks, reduced. Everything was low, as if they were watching me. They were. I could hear them whispering.

No matter how hard I avoided attention, even though I need-ed it. I needed so much attention, but I never asked for it, yet it always found me. Everyone noticed my habit, everyone knew about the Rich-ard’s. Everyone knew about the Bartley’s.

I try to hide the care I felt. I tried to mute the whispers, the talk. I didn’t want to cry again.

My wet sneakers squeak each time I walk. They are dripping with the melted snow water I failed to dry on the mats.

The volume increases again. Everyone starts taking laps around the gym.

I join in, even though my fluttering stomach is pulsing. It’s too warm. I keep swallowing the saliva that keeps coming up. I lick my teeth, as my heart races. I should stop running, but I don’t.

That’s the last thing I remember.

I fainted in gym class freshmen year. Most thought I was act-ing out, because of the death in my family. Most thought it was for at-tention. I nod to the lies, and the rumors, even though they weren’t true. It’s better than the truth.

The truth is another secret.

~~~~~

I slam my locker. The memories make me feel sick again.

stare at my boots,

Sometimes a certain smell, or sound can take me back to freshmen year.

just

blur, except photography. It’s my red room for an hour. No teacher, no classmates in photography. Just

nostalgic, I think about the past too much

was enough to break me from

my name. I pretend to ignore her. I hide my

not alone.

contact with either of them, I’m too

cry, someone can easily trigger me

today Rochelle.” I

walk to the bathroom, hoping they would not follow, but they do. Thankfully, I wiped my face enough. Enough for me to not

smiles at me, puts his arm around me. His arms are warm,

I’ve seen him around, and I knew his name. He was a senior like us, and an athlete.

but didn’t rub it in. He’s dewy, and pale, like a vampire. His hair is long enough for a pony-tail, yet

most part and has lots of friends. He talks to a lot of girls, and hangs

sad. People

through my eyes. I didn’t know him. Did he know me? Did he know my history? Did he know the rumors? Did he know the truth? Is he judging me, like

for a while,

me and go into the

my cold hands under

gave him

you do that

the water, the rusty handle squeaks, loud. I wait for the

judge.” She says. I bite

your ex! I’m fucking judging.” I mumble to

was middle school.” She

I. The more we stay

since pre-school, and we were always close, but when middle school hit,

she was probably the first seventh grader in our school,

way for many reasons. When the

just middle school but