When Perfect Meets Crazy

I entered the house, confident in the knowledge that only Olly was home and she wouldn’t care whether I looked haggard or not. She would ask but she wouldn’t pry or berate me the way my parents would. And most importantly, unlike my parents, she’d think having a criminal stalk me was ‘cool’ and not a reason to end my life. Honestly sometimes, her thought process worried me. A lot.

“Hey,” she called out with her head in the fridge as I locked the door behind me. “I’m hungry. Should we order?”

“Sounds good,” I replied with a glance in her direction.

I could only imagine what she would do if she was the one being stalked. Knowing her and her affection for the dark side, it was a good thing I was the one who ran into Masked Idiot. She’d make him her best friend if she could.

She shut the fridge and turned to me.

“Pizza or burgers?”

“Any.” I shrugged half-heartedly.

“You looked spooked. Drained,” she commented.

My expression communicated the ‘so?’ very loudly.

“You good? It’s not like you. You’re always put together. Perfect,” she explained.

“Perfect my foot.” I scoffed and threw in an eye roll for good measure. ‘Perfect’ wouldn’t have an unwanted stalker on her tail. ‘Perfect’ wouldn’t sort of be an accomplice to a criminal.

She frowned, eyeing me suspiciously.

“I’m good though.” I smiled. My facial muscles stiffly complied and while my heart wasn’t in it, it was enough to fool her. I could win first place for best fake smile in the world. I perfected my technique a long time ago. No one could tell the difference between my real and fake smile. Not even me sometimes.

“Don’t ‘my foot’ me,” she countered.

I could just tell she was rolling her eyes so I rolled mine right back.

“You’re always neat and put together. My sister, the perfect... everything. Even the SATs didn’t spook you.”

I frowned at ‘perfect everything’ even though a large part of me understood why she said it.

“They aren’t scary. It’s actually designed to help you pass,” I replied, my big sister streak kicking in.

I had passed the SATs with flying colors and I did it effortlessly. The whole point was so Olly knew it was nothing to be afraid of. Fear and nerves were what threw most people off. I purposely didn’t study half as much as most of my peers so she would understand it was like any other exam. So when her turn came, she wouldn’t be plagued with nerves. Olly and nerves didn’t work well -probably because she was so self-confident the other ninety percent of the time- and she almost always got nervous about exams.

She rolled her eyes exaggeratedly.

“Riiiight. Save the speech for someone who doesn’t know you’re a borderline genius.”

The way she drawled the words made it perfectly clear she didn’t believe a word I’d said. My efforts were lost on her.

“Is this about the debate?” she pressed, eyeing me suspiciously. “Are you going to lose for like the first time in your life?” She rolled her eyes, reaching for her phone across the table.

“Shut up,” I muttered, wondering just how much was a joke and how much was actual resentment.

She was my sister and I’d do anything for her but that didn’t change the fact that growing up with someone who was the ‘perfect everything’ had to have been hard. Especially since she was always getting compared to me.

I sighed, shaking my head to rid it of the unsavory thoughts. I had bigger problems at the moment -namely the criminal who was probably sneaking into my room right this instant- and I knew she didn’t hate me so there was little point going down that road.

“Don’t worry about it. Sure, losing came late in life for you but I’ll coach you through it. It’s the one thing I’m better than you at.”

Again with the wondering just how much was a joke and how much was actual resentment.

“Zip it. You sing like an angel,” I countered.

Needless to say, my singing skills were less than stellar. I couldn’t hold a tune to save my life and to be honest, I was half convinced I was tone deaf.

“I’m heading up,” I added.

“I’ll let you know when the food gets here.” She threw in a smile, the momentary antagonism more or less forgotten.

“Okay.”

My skirt came off and sweatpants went on. The button-down shirt was also replaced with one of my favourite sweaters, an oversized beige number. I needed that feeling after the day I’d had. I was actually beginning to consider doing one of those ‘forgive me if I have ever wronged you’ social media cleanses because this was more than simply bad karma. Someone definitely had a voodoo doll of me somewhere and was sticking pins in it and placing new curses every three days.

I was about to finish setting up for a study session when Masked Idiot nimbly climbed in through the window. For the first time in my life, I found myself grateful for the tree in front of the window that hid him from view of anyone on the street. My friends had always said I was lucky to have a tree there to help with sneaking out and whatnot but I wasn’t that kid. If I needed to be out late, I could very well come up with a legitimate reason and my parents sort of -but not really at the same time- trusted me. As long as I was home before midnight and they hadn’t specifically requested that I be home earlier, they were fine with it. Anyway, most days, I came home straight after work so it gave them less reason to doubt me. It gave them some sort of sense of safety especially since, given their jobs, they both knew what kids could get up to. Just last month my mom had to represent a kid for drunk driving and theft. The theft charges mysteriously disappeared after money changed hands. Lucky for him, his parents owned a tech company my mom was representing so they could pull such a favor. It was a paid favor but still. Their son got off with barely even a tap much less slap on the wrist for the drunk driving. Anyway, the point was, seeing as I had never gotten into that kind of trouble, they believed I knew better so they were a lot more generous with the reins. That and they were hardly home anyway.

“I’m all set up,” I announced, eyeing him contemplatively as I tried to decide what he’d do while I studied.

a spare notepad and a textbook I was done with. “Sit...” I trailed off, realizing I had only one chair

definitely not going to let him take my chair and study table. It was my reading place in my room. Plus, I was

bed which definitely wasn’t going to happen. Sure, he’d been on

beige rug at the foot of my bed.

him

his shoes, setting them neatly by the window he snuck in through. I made

to the rug. “Most importantly, don’t distract or interrupt

held

good, thanks.” He

not in high school?” I frowned, painting a good picture of a confused person. I was fishing for information primarily but I had pegged him for a high school senior. Granted, he could actually

of

“I am.”

back a smile.

to go on now; his first name and that he was done with high school. It

in place. I really could make it big as an actress if

he said by way of explanation, pushing the books back toward

stifled the urge to roll my eyes. How was he even a criminal?

to the side, shook it and then settled for

of the year award goes

up,” he managed, stumbling over too many words for even an obtuse seven year old

in between stalking an innocent girl, committing multiple felonies and exchanging fists for no acceptable reason, where will you find the time?”

heavenward, choosing sensibly -the first sensible thing he’s

back towards him, testing just how far he’d take his -frankly, disappointing- lie. I could’ve lied better when I was five. Seriously. “I think you should take the finals regardless. So you screw up the first time.” I shrugged. “I’m sure you

the sentence hang, hoping he’d jump in and supply the name of said school. It could easily lead me to his real identity. He might not still be schooling there but chances were that he did at some point. All I needed to do was to get my hands on their yearbooks

name so I continued, “This school must know about your... extenuating circumstances. They probably wouldn’t mind seeing as they’re willing to put it off at all.” I couldn’t mask the heavy sarcasm

knew of was that lenient, especially not with a senior. Definitely not enough to let them

smoothed my

didn’t work out, I could have

like anyone is going to penalize you for it so why not just fail and at least get an insight on how to do better next time rather than not take it and get nothing at all.” I pressed the books into his chest in a very ‘this is for

He frowned.

know that line of thought had never occurred to him. He might be an actual

“even if you don’t take it, it’s never too early to begin

I personally would never do it but he didn’t know that. And unlike him, I was kind of a genius so I could cover much in a short amount of time. Studying was more

to react to my act of ‘kindness.’ It was time to end this. I clearly wasn’t going

to get it right on one try. No offense.” I added the

loud because, more often than not, people couldn’t handle them and it was ‘impolite’. My parents would not have approved. Whenever it managed to escape though, I always pinned on a ‘no offense’ to keep things clean. This was Masked Idiot, however. A completely different case. Our situation was not normal so I was under no obligation to follow normal societal rules. I could just be the unfiltered me without having to apologize for it. I didn’t have to be nice to him like everyone else. He wasn’t in anyway connected to my parents

offense if you please. I

him in waves. The grateful but suspicious half frown was gone from

tightly clenched jaw, he bit out, “I am not

opposing teams favor. I haven’t seen you do

kill, I’d have been shot, buried,

I turned away and made myself comfortable at the study table. “Sit and start studying,” I ordered over my

heard him take a deep breath and mutter “not worth it” before taking position on the floor. I shrugged and

food which I generously shared with him since he was studying or at least doing a good job of pretending to. The creases on his forehead made it look like he was actually stumped by the material and I wasn’t unkind enough to let someone study on an empty stomach. The second time was for a

the food arrived, Masked Idiot closed his books and spent the ensuing forty-five minutes on his phone. After he got bored of that, and probably because he felt a guilty being unproductive while I studied, he reluctantly went back to it, staring longingly out the

been hours. Aren’t you done yet? Sheesh,” he grunted.

it a day. I’d never admit it out loud but I was mildly impressed he managed to stay

off the chair before my brain fully registered what was going on -in my haste, I tipped the chair over- and hurried to him, slamming the drawer shut. Unfortunately, I was too late. I knew instantly from the look on his fact that

he

embarrassment and a deep flush that my dark colouring -thank God- hid. I immediately reached for my unmentionable but he

this is interesting.” His smirk widened. “A boring straight ‘A’ student with a drawer full of pretty interesting underwear. Very

it was possible, in that moment, I would. There was nothing more embarrassing than a not entirely ugly criminal within your age bracket having your raunchy panty in

cotton mouth and I desperately grabbed for my item of clothing. Damn it, give

in a twist over,” he practically sang. To illustrate his point, he twisted my you-know-what in the air. Okay, kill

him and his excessive height. Some of us hadn’t been fed steroids since

now,” I hissed, making another grab for it. Success! I caught one end of it and had to

Why did he even open the second

“Let go,” I snarled.

secret. I won’t tell.” He wore a

that voodoo doll, now would be a

it’s not that.” I coloured fiercely. Enough that even my

wasn’t lying. I really just liked them. Most girls my age wore them. I did too. It was just embarrassing for someone, especially one of the opposite

ripping it. At which point,