Touching the Heart of Ace

"... so this is our Little Lia's room." I thanked Winnie in my mind for keeping this room pristine and unlike a messy toddler's heaven. "This is the princess throne she got for her first 'Dada'. She has wrapped her dad around her little finger." I laugh.

When the Architect's Digest asked us to shoot our home I had not expected Daddy to be okay with it. But this home was his pride and joy, so he did not protest... much.

"I actually have a lot of stuff which I took from my mom's home because I want Lia to grow knowing her roots. So, when we started decorating, I told Robbie that I want this whole wall dedicated to our family. This is my mom and dad during their graduation ceremony. Yes, they were college sweethearts, this is me... Robert Brantley... my brother Jason... This is my Aunt Marie... she looks so happy in this photo, may she rest in peace... then this is Uncle Fred, ever the goofball... Sorry Uncle Jack did not attend his own graduation... had some concert, I guess..."

I let the camera crew to Jason's room. "I swear it is not this clean on a normal day. He is M-E-S-S-Y..."

I laughed and smiled at the questions they asked but they would cut that off when uploading this video.

Too bad.

"Bye..." I waved and closed the door for the camera before opening it again. "So... that was not so bad."

They all good naturedly laughed before trying to leave. Well, I was not having it. It was too early to serve lunch and too late for breakfast. That did not mean they could not have some refreshments before hitting the road.

They did not stay for long and I bid them good bye at the gate.

"Shall we?"

I jumped and hit my man's chest. "Stop scaring me."

"I love scaring you."

I flicked his chin and let him drag him to the car. Never would he admit it but he missed Lia far too much.

I shook my head.

Well, I missed our baby girl too.

"Where is Nick?"

"Anniversary." Daddy grumbled.

"Don't tell me you made it difficult for him."

"Well, he got the leave, didn't he?"

"You big meanie."

Robbie sighed. "I reserved a night at El Palazzo for them. So, stop glaring at me."

I giggled and kissed my man's cheek. "You are the best."

He smiled smug before rubbing the inside of my thigh. "Sore?"

He deserved the slap.

I sighed.

I loved my life so much.

I could not believe this was me who was living this perfect, out of the fairy tale life. I had the man of my dreams, a kid anyone could only wish to have, an overprotective brother, two ever-loving uncles and a girl best friend who was both intelligent and beautiful, and a boy best friend who was as introverted as a turtle.

Russel was yet to accept the title though.

Sigh!

And a very beautiful home.

Sigh!

I smiled and closed my eyes.

I wanted nothing more in this life than what I already have.

So freaking perfect.

It was a bumpy ride and several times were there moments that made me doubt if I would make this far.

And it was surprising from where all did we receive the help from.

Family, friends, colleagues but the most helpful and understanding person in our life was Little Lia herself.

She was our little bundle of precious joy and God... did she figuratively drag us out of the painful whirlpool of trauma?

Sigh!

Therapy was not a cake walk. Neither was it all talk nor was there any immediate solutions. We could not change the past but we could build the future.

And build, that we did.

There were times when none of us knew where to go; up or down. There were times we thought fighting was worthless; we were too damaged for help.

But... we pulled through...

Robbie and I leaned on each other's shoulders, not letting the other one take the burn of the fall alone when we indeed fell.

Could not believe we survived that; I was not even joking.

I cried way too much to be healthy and Robbie bottled up his emotions that he was being eaten from the inside.

Jesus!

Could not believe at all.

All the nights were filled with nightmares.

That one time I dreamt of a Papa rooster and a baby chick. It was so adorable and heart-warming in the beginning, the way they played around but soon took a horrific turn when the baby chick started squirming under the rooster.

Papa lost his balance and the chick was squished and...

It was horrific.

I watched helplessly when the rooster tried to wake up his baby and... a tear of blood fell from the chick's eye as it took its last breath.

I ran away from the painful screams of the rooster which sounded very close to my voice.

I... woke up screaming to the top of my lungs for Lia.

I never had that dream again but it was engraved into my heart; painful and bleeding.

My girl was okay... she was sleeping soundly hugging her Crocky to her chest.

Tears were flowing down my face and pulled her to my chest, clutching her for my dear life.

She was my life.

I would literally die of heart break if something happened to her. It took me over a week to stop crying and almost another one before I could talk to my therapist about it.

She was happy about the dream. She said it was perfectly alright for me to have such nightmares. It apparently meant I was worried about my kid's safety in all aspects of my life and it only showed me how I was a caring father.

Sweet words?

I really could not be sure but her words had helped me see the dream in another perspective.

I was worried sick for the safety of my daughter and it was time I pulled myself together and got my life back.

And that was exactly what I did but Robbie on the other hand... his therapy was in much slower pace than mine.

I did not mind but I wanted Daddy to recover fast.

If one of the major hurdle in my therapy session was making me understand the problems related to my first time with Robbie when he had hurt me so bad... his was much more complicated, rooting from his childhood.

And childhood trauma was really difficult to treat when left unattended for this long.

Something about us forgetting a lot of incidents and the residual pain causing all the troubles. Robbie had chalked them as experiences and it was affecting his judgements unknown to him.

It was okay though. I had trust in him to come out of the tunnel winning. He had me, he had all his family backing him up, including Uncle Fred.

Surprising right?

So, when the therapist asked me to join to his personal sessions, though she admitted it was unconventional, I had wholeheartedly agreed.

Anything for him.

I cuddled up to his chest on the sofa, just listening to his words not meddling at all, even though I found some of his findings and conclusions absurd.

My man literally thought if he did not lock me up in his room right after an argument, I would leave him alone in this world. But since he knew I would not do well in confinement, he had switched it to sex.

Absurd.

But... if he was thinking that way, he might have very strong reasons.

So I did not meddle in.

Or that one time, his greatest regret was giving me Lia.

Hurting?

Not so much because I had learned that his words were only a tip of what he really meant, at times.

So I patiently waited for him to elaborate.

"Lia came in as a surprise. I... uh... told you already... ummm... the bitch had lied to me that she was pregnant and trapped me to marry her... so, this time... I did not believe her. Angel and I had already become an item. At least from my side. I only wanted him. He was taking lot of my space, both physical and mental... I had no space for anyone romantically or sexually... So..."

I rubbed his chest when he cleared his throat.

"So... there was no way I would fuck anyone... much less that bitch."

Robbie was too crude but the therapist was very happy with his words and expressions. She was someone who you made you feel like you have to be at your best. So, I thought she would ask him to use polite words.

She hadn't and Robbie did not offer.

"So, you assumed she was lying."

Robbie nodded.

"I was planning to meet my Angel the next day. So... I only thought she was bluffing to get my attention to steal my money."

"What made you believe then?"

"She actually had the video of us fucking. I uh... was angry at Angel at that time. He had kissed his brother and I..."

"Got jealous?"

Robbie huffed. "I did not know any Jason... or that he was his brother or... anything... I uh..."

"Deep breaths, Robert. You are doing remarkably well. Your Angels are with you. Do you need sometime?"

It took him sometime and when he looked at me, I gave him a kind smile and a kiss on his cheek. "I am here. Not going anywhere."

I closed my eyes and rubbed my ear on his pounding heart.

Robbie shook his head and talked again.

"I was drunk. I was... planning to ruffle up Jason but then I thought Angel being in love with him and... forgetting me and... I could not have that... but then Ace would be sad if Jason... and..."

"It must have been so difficult for you to push past your thoughts."

Robbie nodded.

Therapist smiled.

my obsession getting better of me,

good on your own in

anymore. Angel says he will listen whatever I have to

to get that under your control

not really... I uh... say that his tears don't matter because I don't

Therapist wrote something down.

do you regret

after spiking it Xcatsy. I do not even remember seeing her much less fucking her. But

Robbie rubbed his forehead.

she could be my kid but I refused to acknowledge that... I was yearning for her to be

to

her if this ended up in abortion

that

I feel like I pushed my baby to him. In my defence, I had planned to keep them away from each other... but the days at the hospital dragged on... I could not see him, talk to him or anything... I

WHAT THE FUCK!!!

took everything in me to stop

especially because of my stupidity. He had to give up a lot... he should be sleeping all day, clubbing and focus on only being my everything not worried about... a lot of things that came with parenthood. Ace has this habit of pretending to be happy and calm when he is not... and even after knowing him, feeling him and being with him, it stills takes me some time to get him truthful... I am worried I am hurting him with this parenthood and deep down he is doing this because he thinks this the best that

question was towards me from the

being Robbie's child, you had answered me that she was yours too. And more than few times it

I cried.

or prove everyone that Lia was my life or that she

I felt inadequate.

would believe

No one.

her father and people would say my

her so much and I still believed she was the only thing that came out good from this fucked up life; to an extend where I was willing to go through all this pain again if that meant Lia would be

including Daddy saying that

when I said it was me who was lucky to have

in our home theatre when the voices in my nightmares prompted me to believe that Lia did not

not stopping his annoying habit of recording

but when Lia came to our life, he

don't cry Baby Angel... it is you... look... it is you... I am not kissing anyone else... here, see the man in the mirror kisses the baby when I kiss

and tried to

away from the mirror. I cursed the time when I thought it would be good to kiss my baby in front of the mirror. Baby thought I was kissing some other baby and there it was.... wailing, kicking

Robbie, stop recording

hand on her tiny back and helped her cuddle up. "Ohhh oooh... Did I kiss someone else? Ohh... sorry baby... it is

Little Lia drooling and clapping her tiny hands looking at my

but I

she

her palm and trying to wake me

screamed and the camera juggled with Robbie's

sleep, Baby Angel. Angel is really

her butt to scoot closer, then fell on my face and hugged my

was that small back

when I did not wake up before starting to punch my chest

my cackling baby. "Lia? What are you doing up? Come on sleep.

scooped her up and kissed her head before turning around tucking her under my chin. Then I twisted around

night-night." I yawned and turned around again, Lia safely cuddled

the afternoon but my Angel

finally waking

I watched that footage with nothing but tenderness and love in my heart would be enough to make them understand my love

They would not agree.

clip was a hilarious one of Robbie trying very hard to please

you gotta eat this. It has... baby stuff in it. Come on, child. Open your mouth. Ace will kick my butt if you don't eat

baby food right on

cautious lick of the baby food and ran to the sink spitting. "Dear God! What the fu... fu... dear god! What was in it! It is disgusting! Ga! Too slimy! YUCK!!!

lose her balance and slowly plopped her to side giggling and ended

just fine, when it is Angel! You

around in annoyance until he threw the baby food away and kept it on the coffee

part out in his hurry to prove me

who was kicked out of

the 'feeding' Lia was getting restless and

in through the front door holding

his outstretched hands and her tiny legs were kicking a mile per minute." "You don't believe when I say my kid hates me.

is she crying? Little Lia, why are you crying? Oh, you are not crying now?" I wiped her face and nose with a wet tissue and pecked her cheek. "Look, Daddy, Baby Lia was not crying. Why did you lie to me, Daddy? Your Daddy

down and the clip

bed. My eyes were half hooded with pleasure and audio was moans of my calling out

to swat away the camera on my

camera was

Yeah...

to sort the videos

when I

named those folder as 'DAVEY AND DADDY HAVING SEX' and we had a very 'peaceful'... debate, on that

clips were of our family time and ended up watching something

thought the

IT WAS NOT!!!

it would keep Lia clear of the folder but

it was inappropriate. No, it did not matter if Davey was

Point was...

UGH!

not like she would not wonder if we have

Yes, but...

about your

Of course I had!

that was not

Uggh!

if my parents had sex.

I can't see my parents as a couple and only as my parents and... I can't believe I was born because they had sex! I don't wanna know what they did behind the close doors of their bedroom. And I can't imagine them being present at my

is not the

folder knowing that it is us being sexually intimate, the problem is with our parenting. Not the name

Ugggh!!!

kid thinking of such things. Yes, she might, she might not... it is up to her and it has to be on her terms, according to mental and emotional growth. Not from any other external factors and most certainly not from our side,

to "Demon and Angel having

debate and he got to

I could not help my baby from 'external' thoughts. Her Tati and Flip had to give her a 'talk' this early in her life because her monster of

It was okay...

remarkable at handling with kids who were exposed

was only curious as to what we were planning to do

gave her a path and Dr. Adam took her hand and walked her along the path... and my kid just understood that some people were not as lucky like her Davey or Tati and they

was fine with it as long as it was only my Lia

innocence of my

could tell everyone that she was mine and I loved

when I came home and ended

apologized to me profusely but I knew where that doubt came from and I had no one else but myself

that man to

reminded him of his promises

him to be

to take the blame if someone found out about this socially forbidden

head to know that it was

pleading him in my

cherished that. I thrived in

But at what cost?

had thought I was being truthful when I had asked him to leave me

known that I was hurting and was loving him for so long after years

why he was doubtful when I told him that I was happy with Lia in my life. He was scared some day on the lane of our life I would ask him to pull up and then tell him I was

I was

I loved the most and now I was getting

But it was okay.

time to understand myself and now that I knew where I had gone wrong I was willing to

myself who really knew how much I

I stayed awake at night staring at my sleeping daughter, rubbing her tiny legs that might be aching because she was

fat on her cheeks slowly fading. I missed them so much as much as I cherished her sweet words that was steadily getting more soaked with love as she

cried a lot

baby wailing her heart out when she was away from

all the nonsense by the time Flip had brought her

through was still fresh in mind even after months and I... thought of the worst until I

see if he had to go the

see me and I ran to her with my hands outstretched. My eyes already welling

why is she crying? Little Baby tell Davey?

small huff of laugh which he covered when

So, not that bad.

have fell and scraped her knee

and then her elbows and frowned when not seeing any cuts. What if she bumped

Daey!!! Daey Lia's... Oh Daey... 'hic' the boy

rambling which was so hard to understand with the way she was crying. Her cries had a

at Philip who was walking away with his shoulders moving with

Okaaaay...

itself. She kept on climbing up my lap even during

hurt. Just throwing a funny tantrum. Good luck. Yes, you need

had received a text from Philip and I

her back as I walked to and fro on our patio as she still sniffled and cried on my shoulder with occasional Davey and

came in and froze at

was saying. He smiled pecked his child and

home. What do you think he might have brought us?" Cake? Dolls?

on

my girl was hurt,

tell Davey, what

"DAVEY LUB LIA."

of course." I agreed. There was no doubt about that and my heart broke when she started crying

to bring her to our bedroom because she had begged me not to

her and kept on playing

was so beautiful and

was not saying that because she was my kid. I was yet to see anyone who was a prettier baby. Maybe Tyron

had given when she saw him climbing up

too sweet to say 'no', not that he asked. He would giggle, pat my thigh twice before climbing up my thigh like

work ever, until Russel came and rescued my legs with the promise of an

baby girl was the prettiest, adorable baby

or shouting... or pushing little boys off their rides...

She was an Angel.

whined and turned around when Daddy picked her up and placed her on his

cuddled on his

is not going anywhere. You sleep. I

at her; just in case she woke up

had to know that I would never

Lia climbed off her father's chest and tucked herself under my chin... and the safe heaven made

Until...

wake up...

saw her curled around my hand on the other side.

Was he panicking?

"Daddy? What?"

I can't breathe...

of the comforter and pulled

the way he wanted.

Daddy....

"I... uh... I uh...."

as I could. "Here... here... listen to me... I am here... Lia is sleeping...

damn much I

"Uuhhuuhh..."

love Lia so

I know that

love

you do... I

I would