Too Beautiful for the Alpha

Setting down the diary, I look at the clock and see that it's almost time for dinner. Needing a break from Julianna's thoughts, I get up from my bed and make my way to the door, wanting to see if I can help Theresa prepare. Just as I reach for the door handle, it opens. I jump and notice James on the other side. "Oh, hi, I was just going downstairs to help with dinner," I say, feeling my heart calm down.

"Sorry to scare you," he says, coming inside, "but my father insists on helping with the pack until I'm fully healed. He wants to come over tonight so I can brief him on recent issues, so you can't be here."

I nod, slowly. "So where will I go?"

"Theodore is going to keep you busy until he leaves. The gathering is tonight so I thought he could take you to that. It will only be for an hour or two."

"Uh, okay. When should I be ready? When will he be here?"

James glances at the clock. "Ten minutes."

"What? Really?" I mutter and immediately turn to the closet, digging for my signature gold dress. "You didn't know earlier?"

"No, this was all very last minute," James says, seeming quite rushed himself.

I find the dress and close the closet door, saving as much time as possible. Quickly, I pull off my pajamas and slip on the dress, not bothering to turn on the light, I stumble in the darkness. Managing to zip it up halfway, I step out of the closet and turn my back to James. "You have to zip me."

I gather up my hair and hold it above my shoulders as he gently finishes the job. Before I can step away, he turns me around and his eyes wash over the gold fabric. "I remember this," he murmurs. "You were wearing this that night."

"It's kind of a tradition for me to wear it to gatherings now," I say lightly, trying to move on from the topic.

James doesn't take his eyes off of me and I feel my cheeks grow hot. His hand lingers on my arm. "I was cold to you. I didn't even say anything."

"If it makes you feel better, I was clumsy and lame," I say, recalling my tripping and falling as my Luna called me from my hiding place in the trees. I looked like a total fool.

"You were beautiful. You are beautiful, Rae."

I pause, feeling my chest grow tight. An uneasy, unpleasant feeling bubbles up inside of me, almost like a panic. Part of me doesn't like this, part of me wants him to stop. Old Rae is being slapped in the face, and she's ready to fight back, not willing to agree. My fingertips turn numb and I scrunch up my hands into fists, not sure what to say. He said I am beautiful, James said I am beautiful and deep down I am begging him to shut it. "Oh, uh," I struggle, "I—uh—Theodore's going to be here any minute, I better go downstairs."

I swipe a pair of shoes from the closet before hurrying past him and slipping out the door, though I know he is following me. As if I'm being chased, I rush down the steps and race to the foyer, nearly knocking over Theresa in the hall. "Careful, Rae," she breathes out and I glance back.

"Sorry!"

"What's the hurry? Where are you off to?"

I stiffen as James reaches us. "I'm going to the gathering."

"Theodore's taking her," James cuts in, explaining in depth. "I'll be meeting with my father while she's gone."

"He still doesn't know about her?" Theresa asks, which catches James by surprise.

for him. "I think that was the door, I think

didn't hear

I'll wait for him outside. I could

needing some time to think, but knowing that there will be no time for it while I'm surviving another gathering. I wish I could forget about my plans of productivity and lock myself in my room. Who needs a friend? I've

outside, I close my eyes and listen to my surroundings, using the few seconds I have to calm down. Just as I feel my shoulders relaxing,

wrong, I'm

and not a nice one. This is it, this is when I push him away because I don't

knew this wasn't going to be easy, getting over my past beliefs. Old Rae is still here, in that deep, dark crevice of my mind, and I can't just ask her to leave. It's hard not having a room to run to when I need to be alone, and it's even worse now that I

of me, "will you at least tell me what

to dig through me? I'm supposed to be strong now, the Alpha, the girl who doesn't get stepped all over, but how can I show him that if I toss in that I'm romantically crippled? How do I stay strong if I bring up my times of self-hatred and convincing of a life alone? I'll cry and he'll see that I'm weak and all of this self-improvement

can I expect the truth from him if

call this all off," he offers. "I don't want to make you go out if you're not feeling well.

It's not that bad. Like you said, it's only for

if it gets worse just tell

up at him, the guilty

He's dressed nice, and my mind shifts back to the gathering. "I'll

"Okay."

the door, watching us walk away. I follow Theodore to wherever the gathering is, and he doesn't say a word to me. Needing to be in a good mood for this, I try and lift the awkward silence. "At

for his agreement,

what happened with Claire. I shouldn't have crossed that

showing much emotion. "Well she's going to be at the gathering, so let's

back, staring up at the moon as it ducks behind clouds. I swear, the moon goddess hates me. This may be one of the few things Julianna and

were held at my own pack. As expected, the inside is cluttered with white tablecloths, glasses of wine, young people and sparkling dresses, everyone dolled up to look their

sister, and I spot a very comforting table tucked in the back. Grabbing his arm, I lead him to the table and he watches me as I take a needed seat. "Don't you want

I have a specific way

"By not handling it?"

just isn't my preferred pack activity. Dresses and talking and dancing and flirting and mates and all of it just isn't for

leans back, looking quite curious. "I thought

"What do you mean?"

dreams of being in your position. Most Luna's just

fight back a

backstabbing, I'd take a

give him an amused

Claire from rambling about her issues. Sometimes

not

"So what do you