Through the Screen

it's confusion and chaos on a whole different level as noah shifts further onto the bed and lets the mattress dip under his weight. his entire body is ignited with the gruesome battle between his heart and brain, between mind and soul, between what's rational and what he actually wants. he is sad and anxious and afraid and confused and there is a supernova of emotions flooding through him, his eyes dripping off stars that drench his flushed cheeks, his entire being waiting to explode into nothingness.

he hates himself.

he doesn't know who to blame anymore, even if there is someone to blame. he is selfish and problematic and he can't handle things properly and he is the worst person at relationships. even after years of their relationship, he fails to know abel, to give him what he wants, he was the one who coaxed him into cheating.

he probably wasn't enough.

it has been merely ten minutes since abel left their bedroom, and although noah doesn't want to face him, doesn't want too see him, doesn't want to be in his presence, he is still worried about him. he wipes his cheeks and sniffles noisily, pushing his hair back off his forehead and walking into the bathroom to take out his contacts.

five minutes later he walks out into the living room, only to find his mother asleep on the couch and adrian curled up on the recliner, his eyes trained on the bright telivision screen. noah smiles at the scene slightly before walking inside, ruffling adrian's hair and pressing a kiss to his forehead, the younger boy only looking up at him with a worried expression.

"are you okay?" adrian asks softly and noah just nods, giving him a half hearted smile and covering his mother with a blanket, removing her glasses cautiously and placing them on the table in front.

when he walks out, he searches the kitchen and the bathroom and the hall and the balcony, anxiousness surfacing his fingertips already when he doesn't find abel.

for a certain pair of brown eyes everywhere but not being able to find them.

with his hair nervously, and the younger boy just

i though he was with--" noah doesn't let him finish, he just quickly rushes to the door and slips his feet in

forehead when he emerges from the living room, and the younger boy

down to every place where he thinks abel could be, tears of frustration dotting the corner of his eyes and his body temperature uncomfortably low even with the blasting heaters. he hates abel for doing this to him, for making his chest hurt and for making

hours ago he wanted nothing to do with him. he hates knowing how irrational abel is, how he is impatient and inconsiderate and downright stupid when he's this hurt, just the possibilities of what abel might do in this state makes noah

fingers dial abel 's number once again, his car zooming past the bridge where he had hoped abel would be but it was just as silent as it was any other time. the steady buzz of the unanswered call drips into his brain, mixing with the confusion and fear and creating a galaxy of chaos that can't be sorted out even if he tries

like vines across england seem to be mocking him in the worst way possible, his skin glowing

whimpers pathetically, trying to reach abel again, his heart literally beating to a stuttering stop once he finally

abel, please

is when noah completely breaks down, sobbing unabashedly into the receiver as his palm flattens against the steering wheel,

you okay?