Through the Screen

heartbreaks were of two kinds.

the first where your heart collapses within itself , when you can't do anything for the person you love, when you have to helplessly see them breaking apart right in front of your eyes, when your fingers try to numb themselves so they stop itching to comfort the person. this kind of heartbreak was something abel was familiar with, somehow chaining the pieces of his heart together because he was getting the hang of how to deal with it.

the second one however, was completely uncalled for, a blatant, harsh contrast to the previous one. here noah was, laughing and giggling and genuinely seeming happy inspite of whatever that had happened in the previous hours in this very apartment. he's bubbling with the same energy, wrinkles appearing occasionally and unabashedly next to his eyes, and his laughter accompanies that of the other two members who seem to be engaged in a conversation.

abel is not a part of their conversation, he doesn't want to be. he's too confused and too tired and too hurt by the fact that this whatever there is between him and noah has stopped bothering noah. of course, he doesn't want noah to be hurting, that is the last thing he wants, but seeing him so unaffected by the whole scenario is bringing another storm inside abel 's head.

he watches patiently as noah talks, moves, eats, drinks, laughs—it seems too natural, too normal, too like his heart hasn't been broken at all. the glow abel had been desperate to see on noah's cheeks is there, the stars in his eyes are shining bright, and his smile is something that is still lighting up a thousand galaxies, but somehow, abel doesn't like that.

he can't explain to himself why he can't stand noah being happy without sounding like a complete asshole, so he avoids the topic. he lets the confusion pile into his chaotic head, saturated panic dripping from his fingers and sadness forming in his eyes making them even dimmer than they previously were.

"i'm really tired, we should probably have dinner now and go to sleep," kathryn suggests, a yawn breaking past her lips as she leans on noah's shoulder, an adoring smile on his lips. he had really missed his family, he wished his dad was here too, and martyn.

cheeks holding a certain colour that only christmas can bring about. abel smiles, despite of the ache in his chest.

mirrors her expression before flopping back against the soft

a lonely christmas for me at the young age of thirteen?" adrian pouts dramatically and the other three roll their eyes

"okay,"

"i will,"

all at once, and

of you can do christmassy stuff like a happy family, and i'll just take the biggest bed in the house," kathryn stretches her arms above her head and despite of

bed it's really comfy,"

he blushes, pushing her hand

know it, i