Through the Screen

noah's mind is haywire with thoughts as he types and backspaces relentlessly, even the words on his screen are incomprehensible just like his thoughts.

he can't seem to put a finger on where he has gone wrong, what is making abel hide things which could simply make or break their relationship. noah knows that he's been bitter about their friendship, but he also knows he's been trying so hard to accept it.

he had never in his life been so insecure about something.

he's never even doubted if he's trying as much as abel is, if he was actually one who had been ruining everything. right now, he feels solely responsible for whatever their relationship has become, maybe it was his lack of interest or ignorance as abel said which is creating deep pits of insecurities and uncertainty between abel and him.

he had never blamed abel for anything that has happened, the reason always somehow seemed to stem from himself and even when it didn't, noah would find a way to blame himself.

today it wasn't changing.

yet again, noah was starting to blame himself for abel 's consequences, for the fact that his husband had to find comfort in someone else's company rather than his own.

he wasn't sure whether there was any love reciprocated between them anymore, it seemed more unnatural and forced the more he thought about it. maybe while he thought they were getting better, it was just abel 's way to not make his life as hard as noah was making it for him.

he didn't want to hold back abel. if he was starting to lose interest in noah or his heart had started beating for someone else, noah couldn't blame him. love wasn't something that you could control, and it wasn't impossible to fall out of love with someone either.

noah just thought it would last a little bit longer for them.

be a logical reason behind

sure of the fact that they wouldn't have shared a bed because abel knew noah wouldn't like that,

abel and noah

cramped fingers before grabbing the device. the sight of abel 's name was supposed to bring a smile on

was slightly croaky, both from not speaking for a while and because

we haven't talked in a while, i was really busy. how are you?" abel 's voice was hurried, and bouncing a little

to ask about last night, he just wanted to know the truth so it could

of panic, and noah wanted to comfort him, he could

hesitated a little. "so, what were you upto last night?"

little shocked. "oh, um, i, was just, doing some work, nothing interesting," he stuttered.

evident in abel 's tone that he was lying. "what about chris? is he also working

haven't exactly been talking, i haven't even seen him since yesterday morning, it's a very busy schedule you know?" noah sighed, almost dropping the phone on the

the best for your thing," energy was seeping quickly, leaving noah's body and falling off his fingertips and all he wanted right now was to lay in bed and sleep.

wasn't sure if he could find a proper distraction there. he didn't want to lash out

mean anything. he simply ended the call, and

smell of alcohol prevalent in his breath. the lumbered bar in front of him is decorated with