The Lover's Children novel Chapter 15

MICHAEL

Tucking the phone back in his pocket, Klempner jumps down again, brushing his jacket straight as he lands. “Michael, bring up the truck if you would. “We’ll be taking quite a lot of this.”

McGuire beams. “Shall we discuss the price first, Sor?”

“Get out what you have on that list. Let me see it in decent light.”

McGuire nods to Jimmy. “You heard the gentleman.” Then, “It’ll take a few minutes. Can I get you a coffee, Sor, while you’re waiting?”

“Thank you. Black, no sugar. My man here will have one too.”

McGuire awards me the kind of look normally reserved for something with too many legs found living under the kitchen sink. I give him my best smile. “Milk. No sugar.”

Klempner accepts coffee in a paper cup. For all his bland expression, humour lurks behind his eyes as McGuire scribbles on a scrap of paper, chews on the end of his pencil, then scribbles some more.

“That’ll be seventeen-fifty with everything. But, for you, Sor, I’ll say fifteen hundred.” He thrusts the paper forward for inspection.

Klempner surveys the contents. “There’s no welding kit.”

“Ah, sorry, Sor. If you’d turned up earlier, you could have had it. But I sold what I had earlier this morning. A good quality MIG. Very well looked after.”

“Could you get another? For next week, say?”

“I might well do that, yes.”

“How much?”

“Shall we say five hundred?”

“That’s a good price.”

“It is, Sor. But I always give a good price to a good customer. I charged seven hundred for the one I sold this morning.”

“Is that right?” Klempner scribbles an extra note on his list. “Alright, load it all onto the pick-up.”

“Jimmy, you heard the man. Now, Sor. It’s cash, I assume?”

I set my cup down, freeing my hands…

Here’s where the fireworks start…

“Nope,” says Klempner. “Just load up what we’ve agreed. I’ll be on my way.”

McGuire havers. “I’m not following ya, Sor?”

“It’s very simple. You load these goods onto the pickup. You can give me the seven hundred paid for the welding kit. I’ll drive away and we’ll say no more about it.”

Colour rises from McGuire’s collar. “Jimmy, go get Donovan, and be quick,” he hisses.

The errand boy darts off, vanishing into the crowd. Klempner stands, hands thrust in his pockets, sucking in his cheeks, apparently casual. But something about the way he rocks on the balls of his feet says the nonchalance is feigned.

McGuire bullies up close, eye-balling Klempner. “What the fuck you talking about?” Spittle arcs from his lips.

Klempner leans back a little, tugs a handkerchief from his pocket and wipes his face. “It’s very simple, Mr McGuire. These goods have been stolen from friends of mine. I’m here to reclaim them. You load the equipment onto the truck. I’ll drive away and you’ll hear no more about it.”

“Now, look here…” snarls McGuire. “This stuff’s mine. All bought and paid for. Legal like.”

“That, I doubt. But if it’s so, you’ll have no problem with my calling in the local cops, will you.” Klempner produces his mobile from a pocket, ambles around the air-compressor, aims, and the camera clicks and whirrs. “I have the list of serial numbers, so there’ll be no difficulty establishing that the goods are legally yours… Will there?”

McGuire’s chin juts.

Klempner continues, his voice mild. “Or if you prefer, I’ll put the photos I just took of your stolen goods up on social media. Hash-tag stolen-goods Hash-tag handcuffs. What do you think?”

From somewhere in the crowd, Jimmy reappears, swaggering in with a companion. The stranger is short, heavy-set and was born destined to play the part of the heavy with the low forehead.

McGuire spits onto the tarmac. “These gentlemen are leaving. Jimmy… Donovan… Escort them to their vehicle, would you. And get the phone off that bastard there.” Arms folded, legs akimbo, he stares Klempner in the face…

… or tries to…

Klempner’s not looking at him, but at the stranger. His head tilts and he sucks in his cheeks, then delivers a jack-o'-lantern grin. “Long time, no see, Donnie. I thought you were working for Vince Caproni? Moved down-market a bit, haven't you?”

‘Donnie’ double-takes on Klempner, gawks and pales, then mutters something to his companion, who halts in mid-step.

“What the fuck’s wrong with you two?” snarls McGuire. “Get this pair of fuckers out of here.”

Neither moves, instead shuffling their feet.

“Get on with it, then.” McGuire looks set to foam at the mouth.

Still, neither makes a move, but Donnie moves close to his boss, muttering something under his breath.

McGuire jolts and blinks, flicking a glance at Klempner. “You come looking for trouble?”

“No.” Klempner’s voice would oil wheels. “As I explained, I've come to recover my friends’ goods. Trouble is an optional extra.”

“I got this stuff legal and above board. I got receipts.”

“I’m sure you have. But you’ll have to discuss that with your supplier. I’m leaving with this equipment. You and your retinue of monkeys are going to load it on the truck. As for my phone, the photos are already saved to the cloud. You stealing my phone wouldn’t stop me posting anywhere that appeals to me. ”

McGuire's face passes through red and moves into purple. “I’m out of pocket on this, you know.”

“I daresay. I suggest that you check the provenance of your stock in future.”

“This is racism. It’s because I’m Irish, isn’t it?”

Klempner raises brows, lifts his chin. Without taking his eyes off McGuire, “What d‘you think of that, Michael?”

I fight down my laughter, keep my face straight. “I think you don’t have a racist bone in your body. You treat all thieving, lying, shites with equal contempt; regardless of race, creed or colour.”

“I’m glad you said that.” He gives a small satisfied nod. “In my experience, McGuire, criminality crosses racial boundaries equally. And since the rightful owner of these goods is himself part-Irish, the argument is moot. Now, are you going to load up the truck, or do we move along to that trouble you mentioned?”

McGuire toes at the ground, grunts, then jerks his chin at Jimmy and Donnie. “Get on with it, then.” The pair slide by us to the nearest item, the cement mixer, Donnie angling a wide berth around Klempner.

Klempner gives a small satisfied nod. “Michael, could I trouble you to secure the load, please.”

“Happy to.”

It takes twenty or thirty minutes, but as each item is loaded up, Klempner makes a show of ticking it off his list. “You can add those and that.” He jabs a finger at a toolbox, a mallet, a couple of shovels and a pick-axe.

McGuire splutters, “Them came from somewhere else.”

“Do you still have the ones that came with this batch of equipment? I’d prefer to take those?”

The Irishman scowls. “Already sold.”

“In that case, you can supply replacements. Donnie, load them on the truck.”

Donnie scuttles to load up the tools without so much as a glance at McGuire.

“I suppose ya’ll want the fucking fillings out o’ ma teeth before ya go?”

“No. I’m happy to leave that to your orthodontist. But you can hand me that cash-belt you’re wearing.”

McGuire gapes, clutching at the belt and backing off.

Klempner surges forward. Somehow, a knife is already in the other hand, a wicked-looking, saw-edged thing. McGuire shrieks as the blade slashes out, but Klempner simply snags his hand around the belt, slices and it drops into his hand. “Michael, I’d like a witness. Count out the contents, would you, please.”

“Sure thing.” A grin is fighting for front seat on my face.

On a trestle table, in plain sight, I count the notes. Klempner stands close by. “You keep a knife like that down the back of your suit pants?” I hiss.

“Be prepared, Michael, is always my motto,” he murmurs. “I’m sure you were yourself once a Boy Scout.”

“So, I was, but they taught me to use a knife for cutting out turf before I lit a fire.” Klempner sucks away a smile, but his eyes are fixed on McGuire.

There’s quite a wad inside the belt. “I make that nine hundred and… ten… twenty… twenty-five… twenty-six.”

“Thank you.” Klempner scribbles on a sheet of paper, passes it to the apoplectic Irishman. “A receipt for nine hundred and twenty-six. Seven hundred, I think was mentioned as the price you obtained for the welding kit. However, the insurance value on it was nearly two thousand. So, we’ll take this with us and deliver it to the rightful owners of the goods.”

*****

Driving back, Klempner slants me a look and grins. “That felt more like old times.”

“Yes, I could see you were enjoying yourself. What would you have done if McGuire’d refused?”

“Nothing. I believe my understanding with the police commissioner is fragile as yet. If McGuire had resisted, I would have emailed the photos of the equipment and the serial number panels to the police station.”

“You could have done that anyway.”

“I could, yes. But if I had, the goods would have been seized as evidence. Ryan and Kirstie would have been no better off, at least for several months. As it is, they can get on with their work again now.”

“Are you really missing old times?”

He doesn’t reply, instead pulling a face, and twisting to reach into a pocket. He fumbles for a moment, then lays a knuckle-duster on the dash. “It was digging in,” he explains.