I just snap my lips shut, throw Alexi my most venomous look and slide across the seat in an attempt to claw back some dignity, crossing my arms once more and moving away so he won’t touch me, and to show him how pissed off I am. Alexi slides in, slaps my thigh a little saucily and nudges me over with his shoulder and hip so he can have more room. His grey eyes fixing on mine, light and cloudless, which suggests he really isn’t in a combative mode at all. He looks annoyingly chilled.
“Rude!” I snap, annoyed that he bodily moved me while smirking like a smug dickhead at his own hilarities. Nothing about this is funny. His manhandling, his manner, his fucking annoyingly happy and jokey mood. He has plenty to be sorry for.
Abduction, assault, imprisonment, all very good reasons for me to be pissed off at him.
“Yeah but I’m sexy, so I get away with it.” He really is on some weird happy sarcastic mood kick. I look to the ceiling for strength and exhale noisily.
“What is wrong with you? Why are you being so … ugh.” I give up. I’m in a strange place between tearful, afraid and seething mad and can’t seem to figure out what to do with all of that. It just has me tired. Prickly, caged in and lashing out like a terrified cat in a cage.
“Happy? Non-argumentative?” He smiles with that devilish twinkle in his eye and throws his arm across the back of the seat as we get shut inside, so he circles my shoulders. Closing in on me like prey he’s about to devour.
“Prickish,” I retort coldly.
“Because I woke up this morning and realised, I get to torment the shit out of you every single day for the rest of your life, and you signed up for it.”
If that’s what you call it? Ownership and abuse.
That cheeky smirk turns into a full-on grin with his arrogant cockiness at the fact I’m now tethered to this arsehole until I divorce him or die trying. I can already tell he’s going to be unbearable. In his head, I probably just need sleep, time, indulgence, to get over my mood and we can live happily ever after in our forced marriage.
“You know people get married to love and cherish each other for life, not see it as an excuse to deliver emotional and mental torture to the one stuck with them.” The truth in my words sting, and I have to close my eyes again to control the waterfall waiting to tumble out.
“Yeah, but you married me.” A wink this time, which pulls an eye roll and a grimace out of me. I’m not impressed with this man; from the moment I opened my eyes, and it’s getting worse by the minute. Nothing he can say or do will help.
“God help me. We need to get a divorce; I already hate you and it’s only been one morning.”
“It’s against my religion, looks like it’s till death do us part.” He scoops my hand in his and surrounds my fingers with his snugly, pulling my hand onto his lap and cradles it there. I don’t stop him. Wishing the normal soothing warmth his touch gives me was present, but it’s not. I just stiffen, let my hand go slack and don’t react in the way I normally would at his touch. That sense of calm and safe is dead. I feel restrained.
I sulk and stare out the window and ponder my life. About what I’m going to do with this nugget head next to me and that goddamn marriage certificate. I can’t stay with him like this. It’ll only make me feel worse. Like suffocating to death every day of your life, over and over—like drowning.
I watch the Vegas scenery roll by, trying to get lost in my own thoughts, resigned that I should stop opposing this trip and get it over and done with. I’m only slightly aware of Alexi’s voice when he starts talking to someone on his cell phone. I zone him out and rest my head against the chair behind me, letting out all my anxiety and woes in a long emptying breath. Trying hard to calm myself, ease the rivers of molten lava pouring through my body. Blank out the pain and fear and grasp at rational.
I just need to get my head around this before I can figure out my next step. Try to battle down my demons and think logically. I know most of this is an erratic panicked response to a situation, and it’s made worse by lack of sleep and a major hangover. I should breathe and let it all slow down and sink in gently.
I mean what’s the worst outcome, really. Sensibly, if I forget why I’m feeling like I do.
I’m living with him already, so I guess it just becomes permanent. No big horror there. If he behaves and nothing changes then it’s no different to cohabiting … right?
No. He owns me now.
I get more respect from everyone if I’m not just his mistress; I guess. A Carrero is protected and cherished in his world.
That’s not worth it.
because he will never fire
now thinks
to spend my life with him and share his bed every night, shackled to my master and obedience whether I agree or not. If I try hard and forget the ‘owned for life by a complete control freak who knows how to destroy
marriage. Tied to him for eternity. Possible servitude, and what
a hell of a lot harder than
thirteen. It got me locked in a little room, tied to a bed and punished for days. Alexi isn’t all that different. I’m his now. He owns me legally. He wouldn’t take kindly to me
blurring the lines
freak I have ever met in my life. Someone who has proven
that he could change now he has the leverage over me and
see
turns his head, pausing on his phone mid-conversation to look at me, pulling my eyes
real reasons behind my shakes. Internally crapping myself for something most girls spend their life dreaming of. Alexi’s expression
that to going out?” He cocks his head to the side with a studious scan of my face. I can tell he’s doubting the truth in my words; he has an inkling I’m not being completely honest,
point, cringing as he squeezes my hand with a little tender acknowledgement and goes
that since we started this romantic, lovers to whatever we are now, and all it does is make me feel guilty. Crazy really, considering
inside out because of it. My hand moves to my lap, sliding free of his
tell him. Give him the chance to defend himself and sort your head out, Camilla. Let him help you shake away the demons and give you the reassurance
reaches me in places no one can. If I speak, say something, maybe his part can find mine. She’s in here hiding, curled up small and crying to be saved from herself all over
the demons back into their deep
inner conscience when it comes to him is annoyingly dominant, guilt mauling me, but my fear of verbalising vulnerability is taking over. Old Camilla
all and I realise I can’t really gauge how he will
mind, it’ll keep for later.” I fold, even more so when those dark annoyingly perfect straight eyebrows furrow across his face and he looks a tiny bit irritated. Just
this out but I shrug it away. Insides gnawing with nerves.
afternoon in our hotel no doubt. We don’t fly home until tomorrow so I’m sure it can keep until we are alone. Build up some bravado to broach this topic once more when I’m less hungover and dying. Maybe give
ring true and avoid his penetrative gaze once more. Breaking my heart because I need help to get me through what I’m feeling, and I just denied myself the hand of the person who has the power. I’m pulling away from him and dissolving all we
tell it’s Mico on the other end when I actually listen to what he is saying. Trying to focus on something other than my own mental breakdown and
catches me watching him and my face flushes at how easily he is joking about this. It’s
wears different masks for different scenarios and likes
I know this. He has always separated the emotional aspect from business and put
me over this whole marriage thing though. Alexi is literally the biggest commitment-phobe on the planet and had no intention of shackling himself to
huge and
never taken away from that badass persona and panther-like demeanour he has going on. If anything, knowing him the way I am beginning to only makes me realise how effortlessly
Carrero immensely, so maybe stick with Camilla. Yeah,
Ha fucking Ha.
and stick my middle finger up at him in an unladylike retort and frown grumpily his way.