‘Alexi!’ I squeal in hysterics, holding onto my assets and wriggling like crazy as he rights me on my feet. He just effortlessly pulls me back to him, like I’m a weightless rag doll and yanks me back to our couples dance position. I can barely breathe between laughing and trying to catch my breath from being tossed around. Eyes streaming from the sudden fun of him and dress pulled half around me in the most awkward way, that’s almost obscene. I try to right myself as we return to calm and gentle swaying once more, buzzing from enjoying his playfulness.
I like this Alexi; he’s someone I could spend time with.
‘This better?’ He jokes in my ear, yanking my dress for me so it straightens out, and I just shake my head at him in complete indulgence. He’s lightening the awkwardness of tender moments by adding comedy and losing all serious Alexi with it. I hate to admit it … he looks adorable when he’s being foolish and carefree.
‘You’re so weird.’ I giggle at him, getting another grin in return. Eyes on me intensely that seems to burn a little too deeply into my mood.
‘Takes one to know one, London,’ he winks cheekily, and then I give off another yelp as Alexi spins me under his arm again and pulls me back with extra force so we collide ungracefully. This time though I’m nose to nose, and he slides both arms around my waist so I’m pulled up tight, heels leaving the floor with his sudden capturing of me, unable to breathe with his face right in mine so instantly, as we are now almost equal in height.
His eyes come to rest on mine and it feels like everything else in the room just fades out to a blur, he’s all I can see; Music numbing out, so I become overly aware of his voice without shouting anymore. My already fast pulse rate ups to dizzying levels and that faint dreamy head gets decidedly light as all I zone in on is everything that is him. His aftershave encircling me like a seductive fog.
‘You’re so beautiful … I don’t think I ever told you that. You are, you know? I don’t think I’ve ever known a woman who compares to you in any way.’ I hear him loud and clear over the music and my hearts starts hammering through my chest as panic returns some of my sense. Walking onto the red zone, my alarms start screaming on high alert through my brain painfully. Getting dangerously close to him is not ever going to happen again and I put my hands up to separate us—swearing internally that I should have seen this coming—every single one of my senses is wide awake and instantly sober.
He lowers me to my feet slowly, nose brushing mine softly, my breath halts in my lungs and it feels like everything just goes deathly silent. That power he has over me knocking me mute for a moment. Alexi moves in before I can get my head to stop spinning, breathing to calm down and regulate. In a millisecond, as I’m trying to find the strength to peel us apart, his mouth grazes mine so softly, almost like a breath has skimmed my skin delicately, erupting in the most heart fluttering sensations as he leans in for an inevitable kiss.
There is a pause for a second, as though time stops and everything freezes around me. My mind, soul and body fall about five hundred feet in a blink and I jump into extreme panic mode.
‘Alexi, don’t!’ I snap, pushing him away hard as my entire bodily organs jump out through my chest cavity. Physically, it’s a harsh shove that I didn’t think I had in me and it separates us effectively, shocking him with my aggressive reaction.
He looks hurt, eyebrows dive bombing and jaw tightening along with his whole posture. Eyes blazing in the darkness, instantly wounded little boy that makes my insides stammer with confusion, staring at me as we stand a foot apart, still surrounded by dancing women and men oblivious to us. No one is noticing what’s going on and it’s obviously not apparent my body is self-imploding right now. My head’s buzzing with a million thoughts and feelings, breathing hard and raging all at the same time.
‘What do I have to do, Cam?’ It’s such a random weird thing to say, and he sounds completely alien. Voice low and dare I say it, emotional. Which can’t be—It’s ALEXI!!
His eyes are on me as though trying to pick apart my brain and then those brows lower further to that angry look I know and despise so much. Losing all hints of who he was minutes ago, and that sadistic face appears so unwelcomingly. It just ignites the rage that lives down in the depths of my soul, scrambling inf rom the shocked chaos of my internal battlefield to save the day.
‘What are you talking about?’ I throw at him accusingly, confused by him, and he looks away; that jaw tightening so much I see muscles protrude, and I can visibly see his mood plummeting to the depths of hell in a nanosecond. Familiar is on show and getting stronger by the second, should I ever doubt the true face of King Carrero.
for being
I won’t let him
changed one
to me. I should have known his reaction to my refusal
I swear to God …’ He rages at me, all snarly and the wolfish devil making an almighty come back. His body poised and stiff, and he, much like me, looks as though he is about to go ten rounds in a boxing ring. Except,
at him over the music, in complete frustration. Anger getting the better of me too. Not caring if people nearby have stopped dancing to watch what they
in agitation, turns on his heel and walks off in a strop without looking back. He leaves me standing on the dance floor and I just gawp after him in complete shock. Head reeling from what just went down in
I said
blood utterly boil with
head of a cunting fuck bucket!’ I scream after him incoherently and storm in the opposite direction, head high and teeth gritted so fiercely I may break a crown. I’m not chasing him; I don’t care if he’s being a
that path where he uses it as a weapon to control me, and I will be damned if he starts raging at me for upholding it. He agreed.
How fucking dare he!
I go back and sit with them, as I don’t want to be answering questions about my obvious snarling rage. I can barely keep myself
so badly to punch something right about now … Preferably his face. My insides are simmering so that I’m irate and annoyed with every single person who gets it my way as I shove and push my route
care if he starts looking for me, I need head space, and Alexi needs to give me complete alone time. I’m pissed off, drunk and swaying around on overly high heels with venom coursing through me that could melt his fucking face off. I hate that whenever I feel like I am softening towards him in any tiny way he throws a spanner in the works and screws it all up. He just knows how to flip my own psycho switch so effortlessly, and sometimes I wish I had the god damn strength to drag him into a room, tie him to a cross and then beat him
starting to think this business thing could work if he
What the fuck?
but it makes no difference. He didn’t want me last time, he made me crazier than hell and destroyed me to the point I tried to shoot myself. Why does he think I would ever entertain that
Idiot!
mirror and turn on my heel to find somewhere else to mope instead. Anger and upset merging into one and I can feel that dangerous wave of tears moving up from my stomach to my throat, threatening to engulf me. I am useless when drunk,
Damn you, Alexi!
getting in my way when I’m in no mood for it, until I find a sign for an outside smoking area and force my way through to get to it. I feel drained, losing my warm glowing buzz from alcohol as I get into the cool evening air and relax a little as it hits my naked arms and shoulders in my short strappy dress. Miami is a hell of a lot warmer with more humidity than New York, and even though I’m in a very short and low backed dress, I don’t feel cold
show off, be seductive and glam and show all my assets in one go. I wonder if deep down I was deliberately trying to entice him and punish him a little from afar. He never reacted to my shows of legs, cleavage or such before. Maybe I deliberately dressed this way
open back of my dress, it’s making me feel exposed. Loss of my angry escort and I am