"Meaning?" I turn to him fully and lock onto him, seeing him swallow hard, and his mistrust of my current behavior is written all over him. In this moment he's afraid of me and he's nervously spewing words to try and diffuse it, or to keep me focused on anything other than turning on him. I can smell the terror coming in waves from him, even without my wolf sense. It's not intentional, but these feeling are bigger than me, and I have no will to reel them in right now. Fractured and seeping, and I don't know how to stop it pouring out and pooling around me like a dense smog.
"She got to you before Juan did. Ran and left the pack on their return to your lands. She bound her blood to you, so you became linked to her, and completely protected from being slain too, thus meaning he could never kill you. And if he tried to isolate and imprison you, then his pack would have asked why… what did a child do? All these years, this story haunted me as nothing more than the imagining of a fractured mind, torn by horror and atrocity she witnessed, and yet here you stand… the child of Marina. Just like she said you would. Alora…. I am so sorry, please…. you must understand, that had I known it was truth, I would never ...." His real honest despair comes through in torn rawness, but it's not my concern right now. I can't feel anything for his sorrow or his heartache, while there's only chaos and a need to avenge them all.
"Why can't I remember that? If she bound to me then why don't I see her in my memory?" I snap, interrupting his apologies, too caught up in my own pain and misery and needing to hurt something, to care about him and his regrets. It doesn't change the now or how I got here.
"She bound your memory, your gifts, and that of her son, to protect you all, for she feared Juan would see even challenge to his position in his own child, should he have inherited her gifts too. Like I said, she has certain abilities. She said the time would come when she would give back to you that which she took…. I assume she means those. Not just yours, but Colton's too." He falters, his voice trembling, wringing his hands in nervousness, and I jump up and stalk pas, him to push my hands against the glass. My head torn with the addition of even more to this story.
Colton has other gifts too. Bound? And me…. is she the reason I can't seem to grasp my own gifts and gain any control, because I'm always fighting some kind of spell that keeps them dormant? How is that helpful? Especially now, when she's like a corpse, sleeping through the years and can't do anything to physically help.
My body is aching to turn and trying to revert to wolf, but this damn building is strong and keeping it in check, no matter how hard it wails and howls within me. I bang the glass, the torture of it getting too much, and watch the shudder travelling from my palm and spreading out the full expanse of the invisible wall. It does nothing to ease the inner war.
"Bound my gifts? My memories? How could she… that's impossible. I have gifts, I'm learning but they're there, not tied down completely. Colton… he has his gifts too and he's more than capable of using them. His alpha strength, and speed, his dominance. He can command with a tone. It can't be true… no one has ever documented a witch binding a wolf's natural gifts." It's a rebuff of what he's saying as I mentally try and dismiss them as lies, focused fully on her and willing her to get up and tell me this herself. Lying there like a weak powerless fool who let her mate destroy everything in our lives.
Get up Sierra…. Get the fuck up!! You owe me this truth yourself, from your own mouth!