Rejected Mate and Following Fate

It’s a strange night, to say the least. Long, and almost sleepless, strained with three minds brewing crazily, and not exactly restful. Conversation is quiet, and sparse, as Carmen asked us never to bring up our newfound fact again and it seems none of us know what else to talk about. It all circles back around the two things – the fact I’m pregnant, with twins, and the fact Carmen lost her child that we never knew existed and mentioning either is obviously a sensitive topic. For both of us.

Me, I lay in bewildered and silent shock, staring at the sky, trying to get my chaotic feelings under control and absorb the reality of this, while Meadow keeps watch. She’s alert, on guard and sits staring out into the darkness, spinning to every new sound and can’t seem to switch off at all. In Colton’s absence she’s become my ever-attentive protector and it soothes me a little, while my heart still yearns for him to come to me and hug me tight.

What I wouldn’t give for him to be laid beside me now. His face close to mine, his nose touching, his breath warming my lips. His strong arms around me, keeping me warm and safe, like he always does. His gentle yet seductive tone and that accent that makes me weak at the knees for him. I miss him more than I can bear, and every second that passes that we’re still apart, I feel like I’m dwindling and crumbling to dust. My heart is broken with the loss of him and my soul is fighting so hard to find the hope, the remedy and to bring him home, yet I’m already so exhausted. I need him so much, more so since the witch told me that I’m carrying our children and I can’t turn if I don’t wish to harm them.

My head’s a mess and I wonder how long they’ve existed in my belly, while I was careless and patrolled with the sentinels. While I used my gifts, selfishly turned at will, and paraded around with no hint of danger of the inner workings of my body. How long have I been tired, and hungry, and oblivious to my own body telling me to slow down and rest, because of these two little lives glowing brightly in the depths of my soul. It makes me sick to my stomach that without even knowing of their presence, I could have ended them with my complete ignorance, and guilt claws at me, cutting deep and slicing my heart to shreds.

Sierra was right, even if she didn’t mean it in that way – I do have a little witch in me. In fact, I have two. Somewhere in my heart it makes me warm, and happy, swearing to protective them at all costs, but the troubles, the worry, and the vulnerability it gives me now, claws up like a dreaded threat and chokes me into uneasy fear. I just lost my edge in this war, my upper hand. If I can’t turn, I can’t heal, so I have to make sure nothing happens to me that requires that. I can’t use my wolf gifts, become strong, and huge. I can’t battle as a human, but at least I still have my vampire traits to fall back on, although my energy is weaker, and at least now I know why.

We all stay this way, trapped in our own heads, dozing occasionally when our bodies give up the fight; catching minutes or more of fretful slumber but then awaken at the uncomfy, and unfamiliar surroundings, with a start. We’re awake at odd times, sometimes together, mostly not, and nothing can really pull us out of it. This weird semi sleep, overly nervy mood we seem to be sharing. It’s a surreal night, being somewhere strange, noises out in the dark that we have never heard back home, but like Leyanne said, nothing comes close or even ventures at the perimeter, so we feel relatively safe even with her gone. Her magic is powerful, and after she left, Meadow found symbols and etchings in a full circle outside on the derelict walls, much like the truck, so she at least didn’t lie about our safety in this ruin. I guess in that she earned one point towards trust.

The early rise of sun doesn’t wake us as we’re already up, boiling water, making coffee that she left behind in that trunk full of things we assume she carries with her. It’s weird. She has no transport around, yet this thing is huge, and weighs a ton and seems to carry everything she needs to travel. It’s full to the brim of clothes, books, dried foods, potion bottles and an array of personal belongings that she has just entrusted to be left with us, with no care about us opening it to get the supplies she mentioned. We made sure not to touch the grimoires that were stacked in one corner, Sierra’s voice coming to mind about never touching one without a witching handing it to you.

We were careful to not pry too much, only access the coffee and sweeteners, ignoring her belongings as best we could and we kept the campsite clean. We are aware that crows still watch us as only a few left with her, and who knows, this magical bitch might have cursed her stuff so if we did pry we would suffer for it. There’s no telling what someone like her would do.

“Who do you think she’s bringing back with her?” Meadow cuts into my thoughts, pulling me out of the endless stirring of coffee I have been doing, while daydreaming about nothing and everything all at once. I shrug, frowning with a deflated exhale and shake my head.

“Honestly, with her, it could be anyone. She’s vague as hell and I’m not convinced she’s sane. I still don’t know if we should trust her or not.”

“Oh, she’s sane. She’s just a little all-knowing and smug for my liking. I don’t trust her as far as I could thorw her while in human form.” Carmen interjects, her face worn and drawn with dark circles under her eyes, telltale signs she didn’t sleep at all, and she moves to rummage a small cooler beside the chest for fresh food and finds nothing. We’re all tired, bellies rumbling from hunger and fed up waiting here.

“One of us should go back to the truck for breakfast supplies. I need bacon, lots and lots of bacon.” Meadow grunts out, never cheerful in the morning without her food, and in the same breath seems to offer to be the one to do it but I shake my head.

“I’ll go, I need the walk and the headspace. This whole thing is like a dream and I have no grasp on reality. “I make a move to get up, from my butt numbing wooden perch but flinch at the reaction.

“No!” both of them snap it in unison, instantly hostile and on their feet, as though ready to take me down while I blink at them in surprise.

“Luna, you should stay safe, here!” Meadow grinds out harshly, furrowing her brow at me, that no nonsense bossy femme on show and motions me to sit down with a jerked thumb.

“And the babies! You’re going nowhere.” Carmen adds on, brazen with her cold, overly protective tone, then blushes as she realizes the words that came from her mouth sounded almost tender as she turns away to hide her own reaction. Her face flushing red and she makes herself busy with tidying up our camp.

“I can’t even process…… I don’t feel any different. Maybe she’s wrong and I’m not. Surely I would know right?” I query but Meadow narrows her gaze on me, all doubt missing in her know it all expression.

“At the house, Sierra said… ‘are you sure you’re not a little witch’, because of how the book responded to you. Maybe she was right, and it’s not you, but there’s witch inside of you growing now and it’s only logical the book responded to them.”

sinks in that Sierra did say that. I even went over it myself through the night and came to the exact same conclusion, and I know

folk lore, and it’s almost impossible to turn a human to wolf. I doubt you can pass on witch DNA without a baby, and I know even the vampires have a whole process involved in turning a human to be like them. It’s not just a bite, and boom, vampire. Wolves are born, not made, yes even vampires are sometimes born, I assume witches

saying to aloud to myself, to set it in there and push the doubt and disbelief away. I instinctively cover my abdomen with a protective flat hand, shuddering inside as I swallow those words and reconfirm my brain that this is not a dream. “Oh

be trying to look busy, keeping her eyes averted and her face straight while giving no hint of her emotions

have nothing else I can add, but an understanding of her loss makes me view things a little differently in the new light of day. Carmen is complex and it seems that one thing after another comes up about this girl which makes me dislike her less and less. She should be curled up in a dark corner, crying her angst out, but she’s not. She’s a fighter, a warrior and she’s probably holding on with everything in her to stop her from crumbling

to carry on to birth for the changes to take effect, because she became a mother the second that life existed. Just like maybe I’m softer, more compassionate and

The hollowness of its absence. Especially knowing she had to save herself and sacrifice her child in the process, all

good, you’re up.”

up last night, or this morning. She’s like a freaking ghost. Just swans in undetected and scare sus shitless with that sudden voice which comes at you like a flying dagger. We stand and pull together in front

she’s still in the same clothes as last night but despite hiking through dirt and forest, she’s immaculately clean and no sign of fatigue on her at all if she was up all night. I wonder if Meadow is right and witches can wear some sort of outer mask to conceal

chop, chop, ma wee darlings. Did you eat?” she asks in that merry brogue of hers, and noses around looking for evidence

up.” Meadow responds drily, still an edge to her voice, and Leyanne nods

waiting. So come along, pets. No time like the present.” She gestures behind

be happy to get back in that truck and out of here.” She adds in passing and I catch up behind her to resume our single file trail, finding security in being between my two femmes, especially now I know what I carry. Leyanne moves to walk behind us as the birds hitch up and follow, flocking in

this time of the day and I hook Meadow’s hand in mine to feel more secure now that we’re moving and instinctively, I reach out, catching Carmen’s from behind, sliding my fingers into hers. She stiffens at the contact, hesitantly glancing back at me before returning the grip without argument and loosely holding onto my hand. I can feel her awkwardness, her uncertainty, the alien feel of another femme wolf

glance at Leyanne, dismissing Carmen’s posture, asking a question I have been going over all night with it sitting in my brain, and I have to clarify a few things. I’ve turned recently, and yet I am still pregnant, even though she

flaw when it comes to species breeding. As soon as your body identifies it as something that’s drawing from your health, it fixes it.” I guess in the earliest days they are so tiny and unformed that my wolf gifts ignore the presence until they start to make you sick. I know that pure wolf pups somehow

abilities. In human form I can use them still though, right? They won’t hurt them?” I ask tightly, raising my brow as worry wriggles into my brain; needing boundaries and guidelines to keep them safe, and I wonder how many times I have carelessly used them these past weeks while I didn’t know. How

on the new life and stupidly leaves you more vulnerable. I think its nature’s way of ensuring the weaker hybrids don’t get out of the womb. So many obstacles to ensure failure. Only the strongest make it so I’m not at all shocked that Sierra gave birth to

the details and ignoring he rother words, much like I do and gets an infuriating shrug in return.

same. I mean look at you, your mother didn’t have half of your ability and she still carried you to term. Be calm, Luna, have faith in your fates.” Leyanne yanks a passing branch, snapping off a twig to use to swipe at long grass as we walk, and she seems so utterly casual and relaxed. Like she isn’t telling me the possibility

it’s like a drug for me, always needing more of it as the memories of her fade with time. So few beyond our pack knew of her, and so little of the remaining ones can even recall

of her. Was quite shocked to piece you and her together last night. But then, I shouldn’t be, they always lead me to people for reasons. And

at her, and I’m wondering the same thing. I thought witches had gods, or some other belief, something like a moon goddess, given Leyanne seems to have at least three pendants on with moon stones and symbols of

wind, nudges in your gut, itching palms and footsteps that lead you other ways. They send me where I need to go and sometimes it pays off. I’m in the right place at the right time and it all comes together. Like now.” She looks at me for a long second, a smirk nudging her mouth as though she’s gazing with meaning and I break eye

somehow?” I wish she would just open up and speak, stop these dumb riddles and sassy little expressions. Tell us, but I get the feeling she isn’t going to. She plays everything close to her chest and gets a kick out of watching us try

I want to get there before he has to go back. He’s a busy man and not famed for patience…. None of them ever are.” She swipes at Meadow’s butt with her branch in an attempt to slap her onwards and gets a snarl and an amber glow under ferocious brows aimed her way. It doesn’t phase her in the slightest and she just lifts her hands and makes a little ‘forward’ motion with her fingertips while smiling like the Cheshire cat. I think meadow is close to eating her as she growls under her breath and jilts me into a

can tell

trust me, you’re not going to act on it, not if you want to live. I’ll make sure of it. I can assure you though, he comes with no intention of harm. You just have to trust the witch, I guess.”

glances at one another, more questions coming with her so-called answers and a feeling of dread rises between

get the feeling we’re not going

just you three. Now hush, more walk, less talk. I need some headspace to figure some things out, seeing as I did not sleep one wink last night. Ma head’s weary. Now shhhhh… get going.” Leyanne gestures for us to move, rather bossily, a lot of harsh hand waving and a finger to her lips to silence our chatter. We don’t like it, but we fall obediently back in line and quicken our steps