I didn’t have a very good day yesterday. It was late when I finally got into the city and the estate agent that my solicitor had recommended was already closed. The adrenaline was coursing through me and I was so pissed off that I wasted so much time in Dexter’s office. This wasn’t the only thing that I was angry about. I let him touch me and I liked it when I wasn’t supposed to.
Kirk was the reason that I couldn’t gain control of my emotions. For nine months I had been avoiding men, slowly picking up the pieces of my broken self. Now I was falling under the spell of a man that only wanted to use me for sex, and that was a huge mistake. Kirk had violated me: he had been sleeping with my best friend the entire time we had been in a relationship. When I found out, he turned into a violent and sadistic man. I didn’t want to remember the pain, the trauma and sleepless nights. It was all in the past, it had to be forgotten.
I knew that Dexter was going to be a problem. He wanted to play with me, knowing that I was attracted to him. Well, he’d have to show me that I was more than just a quick, easy lay. I wasn’t ready for a full-blown relationship, but I didn’t need Dexter Tyndall to bang me just so he could get me out of his head.
It had been months since I’d last been in Edinburgh. Even when I visited my parents in Glasgow, I never used to go out anywhere. I was too scared of bumping into someone that I knew. Kirk was a very outgoing guy and we had shared the same friends. When I left the hospital I didn’t know that he had set them against me. A few weeks after our breakup, everyone that meant something in my life turned their backs on me. At that point I was too traumatised to deal with it, so I moved away.
The loud horn brought me back to reality and I looked around, realising that I'd wandered off further away than I anticipated. I spotted a fitness centre in the next building. There was no point hiding anymore and I was out of my grief, done with playing the victim. I walked towards it, wanting to see what kind of classes the centre had to offer. My stomach made a funny jolt when I saw pole-dancing lessons on the poster. Fate slapped me on the wrist. It’d been nine months since I last practised. I checked the time and realised that the class was starting in about five minutes. I was so out of shape, but I loved pole dancing and I wanted to prove to myself that I could still do it.My friend Donna had convinced me to try it when I was only twenty-two. She dropped out after a few sessions, telling me that it wasn’t for her. I stayed, learning from an award-winning pole dancer. She taught me all the basic moves before I started creating my own routines. A few months after meeting Kirk, I started lying to him, saying that I was going to yoga twice a week. I didn’t know why, but I felt embarrassed. Turned out he had too much time on his hands, so he started shagging my best friend when I didn’t give him the attention he wanted.
During the class I had felt sexy, invincible and on the top of the world. It was hard work, but the satisfaction that I got out of it kept me going. My problems and worries didn’t matter.
“The hell with it,” I said aloud and opened the door to the studio. I needed to feel it again, the thrill of excitement deep in my stomach, the joy after the class. I could sort the stuff with the sale of the apartment tomorrow; tonight I wanted to dance again.
I climbed the stairs, knocked on a white door, and walked inside. My heart accelerated when I saw a large open classroom with mirrors on the wall and three stations with poles. There were only a few women there, stretching and talking amongst themselves.
“Are you here for a lesson?” asked a very pretty woman with curly red hair.
“Yes. I just saw your poster and I was wondering if I could join in?”
“The beginner class is tomorrow at the same time.”
“No, sorry, I’m not a beginner. I've been dancing for a years, but I don’t have the proper clothes,” I told her, massaging the nape of my neck, feeling like an idiot. Who comes into the gym without the proper gear?
fee is six pounds,” she said smiling, not looking fazed at all by my awkwardness. Two other women looked pleased to have more company. I
danced and I’m not in shape, but I
long anyway, but I’m sure we can learn something
me her black shorts and showed me to the dressing room. Several minutes later
They were already moving around the pole, trying a few simple spins. I knew that I was going to be sore tomorrow, but I felt good. When Gina showed us some of her moves, I knew
to remember what I needed to do. For some time I only watched Gina as she moved her body around the pole with finesse and elegance. My own self-confidence was buried deep inside me, but I knew the lessons would remind
can do,” she said, jumping off the pole and wiping the sweat
the front of the pole. As my inside leg left the floor, I brought my arm to the pole. I crossed my legs at the
out and gripped it strongly. I used my upper body to roll myself to the other side of the pole, keeping my lower body flat like
back and repeated the fireman spin. My upper body had lost its strength and I knew that I had to practise a lot harder in order to get to the same form that
and stag spins, one after another. These were still basics,
started clapping once I successfully showed them the basic inversion, breathing hard. My heart pounded against my ribs as I slid down trying to catch my breath. The skin on
like I was getting back on the right track. I didn’t understand why I stopped dancing. I always loved it so much. When Gina started showing the other girls more advanced moves, I joined a short red-haired girl who looked like she needed a partner. I
so much. I love these classes; they're a great reliever,” Marianna said, bending down and stretching her legs when I moved
I agreed. “I can’t believe that I stopped training.
panting. I knew that I was going to be back tomorrow. London had left me bitter and I knew that I
I was done with playing a victim—from now on I planned to
Dexter