Love Aint Always Pretty novel Chapter 63

Atelophobia

- the fear of being not good enough

63

When we went back home on the twenty-sixth of the December morning, Nick didn't go with us anymore. He said Tracy had already got back to their old house earlier than he thought and he needed to be there cos he has the house key. I wanted to come along with him cos Im sure it's going to be alot more fun with them but then he won't let me cos he said I needed to spend my Christmas break with my family since I have been busy with school and I have been away. He said he'll see me after the Christmas break. I still have six more days left before I could see him again.

I sit on my chair, right outside our living room's balcony while I was finished reading this novel that Cameron gave me yesterday. It was a story that something I can relate to and I hated Cameron for giving me such book cos it had a wickedly heartbreaking ending. I had a cup of tea beside me as I fix my scarf and cardigan on me. I stare at the sky, tonight was already New Year's Eve and I was so sad that I can't spend it with Nick and he hasn't even tried contacting me which was the worst.

"Little sis?"

I looked around to find Cameron joining me outside the balcony. He sits down on the chair across me. "How's the book?"

"Forbidden love. I get it Ron. You're telling me that I can't be with Nick cos he's not one of us." I spit.

"I didn't mean it that way. I bought that months ago. It was pure coincidence."

I rolled my eyes at him.

"Hey, do you really love him?" He asked.

"If I tell you yes will you stop annoying me about it? And just accept the fact that I am madly in love with Nick?"

He sighs. "Look, I didn't even tell mom and dad about what I saw that morning and you owe me for that. Remeber how you told her about that party when I drove you to WSU for the first time? Yours is much worst than mine but I didn't tell her that you and that guy fucked on your bed."

I blushed. "Cameron! Lower your voice down will you?" I could still remember how Cameron looked at us when he saw me and Nick both naked on one bed.

"I didn't even hit him for that. You're my goddamn sister Savannah and you're too young for him but you're engaging on stuff like that. I know you're old enough, that's what I told mom too when he caught me fucking some girl in my bed."

I gaped. "Mom caught you?"

He nods.

"Oh my god this is good. I didn't know. How old were you?" I asked.

"I was sixteen."

I bursted into laughter. "How did mom react to that?"

"Savannah this isn't about me. Nice try distracting me. But this is about you. Okay? You're different." He clarified.

I looked away.

"You're a girl and you're my little sister for crying out loud. You're not a brother so you don't know what I felt when I saw you fully naked in one bed with a man that I hate the most in the world. But did you even hear a word coming from me? No. Right? Even if I hated what I saw that day I didn't say anything cos I know you love him and I know he makes you happy." He says seriously.

I smiled and just nod.

"I'm not saying that I'm not mad at him anymore cos I don't know how long have you both been doing it and I don't wanna know how long cos it's your thing but I am still mad at him. If he ever hurt you, I'll kick his ass and make him sorry. You're too young to be engaging on sex like that and he's too old." He added.

I got quiet cos I know Cameron clearly has a point but then I didn't think I could ever talk this kind of matter with my older brother and he's just showing how really truly concerned he is for me.

"And please tell me you always use rubbers." he blurted.

My brows creasing, "Rubbers?"

He leans forward, "Condoms?"

My brows shoot up. "Oh yes. All the time. Yes. Cameron come on I know stuff like that. He knows stuff like that."

He nods then rests his back again on his chair. He's assured.

"Ron I love Nick." I blurted out.

"I know. Nobody can stop you from feeling that way, not even mom and dad can do it, and Im sure as hell not even me, but I just want you to be careful. You don't know him that much."

"I do know him. He told me everything I need to know Ron."

"I just wish it was everything."

I sigh. "I trust Nick. I love him so much and I have never loved any guy like this before. I love him Ron. I loved every ugly part of his past. I love him."

He smiles ruefully. "You're too in love of him. Now I see you're already growing up. Gosh, I need to get used to that."

I smiled.

"I could still remember how you'd walk around the entire house naked when you were eight." He says.

"Oh shut up Ron. Please. Just stop it. Don't remind me." I laughed.

"And remember how a bubble of mucus comes off your nose when you laugh?" He bursted into laughter.

"Shut up. You pooped your underwear when you were ten and eleven."

"Oh I did not!"

I laughed. "Did to. And how you'd pee on your bedsheets when you were five?"

"God I was five!"

"Touché."

Both of us just laughed.

•••••

Later that night, I was all dressed to celebrate New Year's Eve with my family. We had a delicious meal prepared on the table and it was almost twelve but not a text from Nick since yesterday morning. I wonder where he is. There he goes again, he's not telling me where he is. He might be forgetting that we're in a relationship now and he can't just leave me like this without telling me where he is.

"Three! Two! One!" All of them counted together down and screamed, "Happy New Year!"

We hugged each other as the fireworks display brightened the night sky. We greeted each other happy new year and just had a glass of wine but juice on Ingrid's. She was on Cameron's arm.

"Annie, where's Nick?" She asked.

I smiled ruefully at her while mom and dad were looking at me. "He's spending time with his sister."

"Ow! He has a sister? How old is she? Is she as old like me?" Ingrid asked.

"No Ingrid. She's a little bit older. She's twenty but I'm sure she will like you."

"I hope to meet her someday." Ingrid says.

Almost one in the morning all of us headed up to our rooms. I stepped out of the restroom and just finished taking a shower. I hurriedly put some baggy shirt on and a silky shorts under it. My phone suddenly vibrated on top of my drawer, I hurriedly rushed to it.

Nick calling...

"Where in hell are you?" I exclaimed.

"I'm outside your gate." He says.

I rushed near my window to look for his car but I couldn't see no headlights on.

"Are you joking with me Nick? There's no fucking car there. You know, you're always gone for days and you don't tell me where you go to. Well Nick if you forgot, I'm your girlfriend now and I hate being clingy but you leave me with no choice. I. Am. Worried." I say.

"Baby I'll explain later. I've been here waiting for you since eight in the evening. I was just waiting for a perfect time. You were even wearing a golden yellow cardigan a while ago."

I smiled. "It was a pale yellow sweater."

"Still a yellow. Same hue, yellow. Cardigan and sweater are similar too." He says.

I smiled.

"I'm really outside your gate baby. I'm not lying. I don't want your dad to know I'm here cos I'm sure he won't let you go out after twelve." He says.

I smiled again cos he's being so cute.

A knock came by the door, "Someone's by the door. Don't hang up." I say.

"Alright babe."

I rushed to the door, hoping it won't be dad cos I'll be dead if he found out about Nick being outside our gate.