Love Aint Always Pretty novel Chapter 61

Pag-ibig

Translation: Love

Origin: Filipino

61

"I love Savannah, sir. I can't stay away from her." Nick added.

I have never heard such beautiful words coming from Nick's lips. I have never thought he would say that. I never expected he'd say that in front of me and in front of my dad. I couldn't even look away from his gaze because I felt it when he said that he loved me. I know he means it. I know he loves me.

"Go to bed, Savannah. I've had enough for tonight. We'll talk tomorrow." My dad tells me but didn't say anything to Nick.

I watch my dad walk away from us and headed out of the kitchen. My heart is pounding harder and harder inside my chest now that I'm alone with Nick. Both of us were quiet. Both of us were still standing next to each other. Both of us obviously didn't know what to say and how to react to what he just said out. I wanna ask him if he means it. I wanna ask him he does love me and he didn't just say it cos he needs to cover up for that kiss.

"Let me walk you up to your room?"

I moved my head to Nick and he was looking at me. His blue eyes is so beautiful and I wanna kiss him again.

"Did you... Mean it Nick?" I finally asked.

He bent his head down. "Let me walk you up to your room Savannah."

I sigh. I'm sad about what he answered me cos now it's clear to me that he just said that out cos my dad caught us kissing. He obviously doesn't love me. He can never learn to love me. Nick will never ever fall in love again.

Both of us went out of the kitchen and he walked me to my room. I was quiet and so was he. We both didn't talk to each other until we reached outside of my room. I opened the door and he didn't even tell me goodnight. He just watched me go inside and once he made sure I was in, he started walking back to his room. I wanted him to sleep with me. I wanted to wake up the following morning with him by my side. I wanted to make sure that he won't leave tomorrow. I slowly closed the door and threw myself to bed. I'm so mad at him. I'm super mad.

Why does he need to say it when I'm around, knowing that it will only hurt me if he didn't mean it anyways.

I tried to go to sleep but I can't. I kept closing my eyes but I really can't sleep. I lay on my bed for twenty goddamn minutes straight, forcing myself to sleep but it's no use. My mind is filled with Nick and those words he said. He sounded like he did mean it but why can't he say it to me? All of a sudden my tears were streaming out from the corners of my eyes without me knowing it. I hate it when I cry for some same reason. I know Nick couldn't love me but why am I still hoping that he can and that he will? And why does he always make my hopes up?

My phone suddenly vibrated on top of my side table drawer. I reached for it. A message from Nick. I wanted to ignore it but a part of me wants to read it now.

I gave in anyways.

Are you still up? - Nick

I wanted to reply but then I don't want to face him right now. I'm crying again and I don't want him to know that I still cry cos of him cos even if I cry a thousand times, I know for sure nothing will change. Even if my eyes will dry up and tears won't fall anymore, I'm sure as hell that he will never ever learn to love me.

My phone vibrated on my hand again.

I'm outside your room. Open your door. Please. - Nick

My heart skipped a beat. I quickly pulled myself up and headed to my door silently. I stood right before door as I reach for the knob. I was in doubts but I wanna know what he came here for. I wanna hear him out even if this will hurt me. I know what he's gonna say. I know he will tell me he's sorry for what he said to my dad and that he didn't mean to say it.

I sigh.

What are you doing Savannah? Why do you always let Nick hurt you?

My phone vibrated once more.

Please. We need to talk. - Nick

I finally twisted the knob and took a deep breath in before finally opening the door. Nick's height hovers over me while his head was bent down low. His arm was resting on my doorway while his shirt was pulled up, showing his v. He was barefoot. Slowly, he pulled his head up to me and looked into my eyes.

"What do you want Nick?" I asked, as if I'm not distracted by his v-line.

"Did I wake you up?"

I shake my head.

"Will you let me in?" He asked.

I sigh as I widen the door for him. He walks inside the room and I headed to the foot of my bed. I watch him as he close the door and then faced me.

"About a while ago, I just wanna say--"

"You don't have to say anything Nick." I cut him off. "I know you didn't mean it. And if you just came here to tell me you're sorry, please don't. You really don't have to be sorry."

Both of us went quiet again and I couldn't even look at him in his eyes cos I feel my tears gathering around my eyelids again. All of a sudden he was already standing before me. He's already hugging me. He's already wrapping his arms around me. My tears are falling... And more tears are coming out. It's not stopping. I was holding it back a while ago but I was unsuccessful. I'm crying again.

"Why are you crying?" He asked.

"Cos I know you didn't mean to say it Nick. Why are you still here? Why--"

He cupped both of my cheeks and kissed me out of the blue, cutting me off of what I was gonna say to him. He's kissing me deeply but passionately, I let him kiss me. I didn't move but then a few seconds passed I gave in. I kissed him back while my tears were falling down on my cheeks.

"I meant it Savannah." He say breathlessly as he pulled himself away.

His forehead resting on my forehead.

"I meant it when I said I loved you." He adds.

Oh my god.

My eyes moved up to him and I couldn't believe what I just heard. My tears are filling up my eyes again and now happy tears are falling.

"I love you Savannah." He says while wiping my tears.

I feel like my heart is going to explode like a time bomb. I wanna scream my lungs out. I wanna run around the house. I wanna pull my hair. I wanna go crazy cos Nick just confessed to me. Nick just told me he loved me. Nick loves me.

"Say it again." I tell him.

He kissed my lips again. "I love you with all that's left in me."

My smile is growing wide and wide. I threw myself to him and just hugged him as tight as I could. His arms are now holding around my body. His hands on my back. We're cheek to cheek as I feel him lifting me off of the ground.

"I love you Nick. I love you." I say.

He put me back down as I pulled my head up to him. He pushed my hair off my face as he smiled at me calmly.

"I tried my hardest to convince myself that I wasn't falling for you. Every single time we are together and when I am around you, the things I would feel would terribly frighten me cos I always end up thinking about the future and how we would end up, how you would end up if you're with me." He says.

I listen to him intently.

"I went eight years of thinking that I had finally controlled my mind, my life and my heart. I thought nothing could ever hurt me again after what I had with Catherine. I thought I won't fall for anyone anymore. I thought I was capable of not falling in love again and I was sure I won't. Though it was hard being me, I tried my hardest. Then you came along. You changed my game plan. You didn't ruin it but.. You were my shot back to life." He added.

I smiled at him as my tears filled my eyes. I couldn't help but hear these words from Nick. I have been expecting it so much.

"When I am around you, I always end up realizing that I am undeniably in love with you but that's when I also push you away or I'll be gone for days without seeing you cos I was filled with guilt and fear that's why I'd visit Catherine's tomb and talk to her about you." He says.

He sighs heavily.

"I'm sorry I always push you away. It's what I do when I'm afraid." He adds.

"What are you afraid of Nick?" I asked.

"I'm afraid about not being worthy to have you. I felt like I don't deserve you cos of my past and cos of what I've done. It even became worst when I found out your brother was Cameron. He came from an extremely rich family and my past is wrecked. But you were my source of life and my happiness Savannah even though I don't deserve happiness at all."