Love Aint Always Pretty

La Douleur Exquise

- the heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable

Origin: French

34

It was unexpected to see Channing around here and it was very coincidental that I had to be with Nick. It's not that I don't want them to meet, but I just dont want Nick to feel a little bit down when he sees Channing. I know Nick hates or has a problem about rich people and Channing is rich and can be very boastful sometimes.

"Does that have cheese?" I asked Nick. Trying to make a conversation with him.

"Yeah. You want it?" Nick asked.

Channing softly laughs. "Savannah doesn't like cheese, man."

I gaze at Channing. He remembers.

I moved my head back to Nick who looked a little bit pissed. We just continued eating again while Channing and I just kept talking about how his days went well in Ohio State University then he would ask me about how mine went in WSU too while Nick was just eating quietly. We didn't mean to make him feel out of place but he's not even talking to us when I try to get him join the convo.

Dont get me wrong, but I really feel happy to see Channing around. There's nothing left inside me that I feel for Channing, it wasn't even actually love that I felt for him so it was easy-peasy to forget about what we had. I just regretted he was my first.

"So I'll see you tonight?" Channing asked while the three of us headed out of the diner.

I nod.

"Will six be okay?" He asked again.

"Definitely." I answered.

"Then I'll see you. I'll call you so I could pick you up." Channing confirms.

"Alright."

"Later Annie." He leans closer to me and kissed my forehead.

What the hell?

He waves at us then walked to his car. Channing said he needs to get some sleep for tonight that's why he can't offer me a ride. Nick has been quiet since a while ago when Channing came to our table and until now as we climb into his car, he's still not talking. He turns on the engine and started driving away from the diner.

We were quiet.

We were awkwardly quiet and I hate it.

I always hate this kind of silence between me and him.

It makes me feel like Im being sucked by a hurricane called Nick Wilde and I cant get out. It makes me feel like Im lost and Im going deaf. I cant hear my own scream. Im being thrown away, far far away from him and it makes me feel so distant from Nick. I hate being so distant from Nick. There are times when I understand him but most of the times he's very hard to figure out. There are times when he opens up, though not too much, but at least he does it. Then there are times when he's being too private and always so absent-minded.

"So." He finally speaks, not the so la ti do kind of so but a very stiff so.

I glanced at him.

"I didn't know you were still friends with your ex." He continued.

"Y-yeah... We remained friends after we broke up." I answered.

He laughs humorlessly. "How can you stay friends with an ex? That's even the most impossible thing ever."

As I was about to answer him, he cut me off. "Was he the...."

He gazed at me from the corner of his eyes and looks back to the road.

"The one who took you?" He asked.

I know he's talking about my virginity.

I nodded twice. "Yeah."

"And you're friends with him?" He asked.

"There's nothing wrong with that."

He glanced at me again and just didn't talk to me anymore. He's acting a bit off today, I mean since he met Channing. I'm not telling myself that he's jealous cos he knew that I was still friends with my ex and he saw how I was still close with Channing cos I'm sure Nick's not feeling jealous at all. I don't want to set my hopes up. I don't want to expect something that I know will only hurt me.

wrong with you?" I asked. I still

"Nothing." He answered.

went quiet for

I didn't expect

and we have shared so many things in the past. He was the one who was there for me when I needed someone to be there or when my parents are out of town. We started as friends. We had the same

to me."

He dropped me off the dorm and I was sensing that he was jealous cos he's acting like one. I could

that thought on my head. No, Nick is not jealous. Nick

make yourself laugh

•••••

Saturday night.

in

out of the dorm and climbed into Channing's car. I know where we were going tonight and he knows exactly my favorite things and places. When we reached the upscale restaurant that I totally love, I quickly felt giddy cos of the foods. It's my personal favorite restaurant, Gotham Steakhouse & Cocktail Bar, or GothCock, how Channing would call it. We settled ourselves

you remember the first time we dated here?" he

nod with a smile. "Who wouldn't remember that? I accidentally spilled water on

He laughs.

were so cute

foods were finally served and Channing ordered all of

State students?" I

are just so

you dating someone

but you know,

laughed softly. "That was disgusting

He smirks.

it when I

rolled my

up with you and that Nick

and he quickly smiled. "I know that look Annie. You like

creasing. Disadvantage of being friends with an ex. Channing

He's like

fool me about that?"

a quick drink from my wine. "Channing... It's really

so obvious he likes you. Did you see the way he gave me an eye when you told

I paused.

My lips is smiling.

Smiling.

And still smiling.

it doesnt mean it's what Nick actually feels. Though they're both men, but

see it Annie, Im also

different with Nick. You

He gaped.

say that dude is bisexual?"

I snorted.

No." I defended

do you mean totally different? You made me think that

just... hard to figure out."

each

him." he

just bent my head down and I know it was easy to tell. Now I wonder if Nick can see it the way how easily Channing see it plastered on my face. I think the word I LOVE YOU NICK is duct taped on my forehead but only

know?"

I shake my head.

on telling him?" he asked

I exhale heavily. "No."

planning on

"Why?" Channing asked.

for his advice, not only as his ex girlfriend, but also as his friend. But then I think Channing wont understand. He always see me

on the movies but then what I have with Nick I think it wont be like in the movies nor in the novels. I was a big romanticist but when Nick came, he changed my point of view about love and liking someone, that it doesn't really have to start on love at first sight or first impressions or even attraction the moment you met, cos the first time I met Nick, I hated him and now look at me, crazy all over him. Wanting to know if he's into me or not and day by day it's

he dating someone else?" He

I shake my head.

what's up with him?" Channing

I pressed my

"Doesn't?"

took a deep breath in,

"What?" Channing snorted.