If It's Only Love (Lexi Ryan)

Shay

It’s snowing again, and I stare at the flakes falling outside the window when I should be giving my attention to this stubborn dissertation chapter.

George is always hot and keeps his apartment cool, so I’m bundled on the couch in my hoodie and a pair of leggings, a fuzzy blanket tucked around me. George sits at the kitchen table, grading papers. A month ago, I considered this my happy place. But since Easton came home, my time with George feels forced, like I’m faking my way through a relationship that was never meant to go this far. My phone buzzes beside me on the end table. When I see Easton’s name, my stomach flips.

Easton: I’m heading to Chicago for a few days. I’ll be back to close on the new house, then Abi and I will be official Jackson Harbor residents.

I blame my visceral reaction on old habits. I’ve spent so much of my life loving him and having to wait for his attention that my brain is programmed to pump out adrenaline when I finally get it—but then I see it’s a group text sent out not just to me but also to my brothers.

That definitely makes more sense. After the way we parted on campus yesterday, he probably isn’t interested in having any one-on-one conversations with me. I’m a little surprised I’m included at all.

A pang of nostalgia sweeps through me as I remember his first couple of seasons in the NFL and all the group texts that blew up my phone after every game. Why’d we stop those?

Ethan: Lilly is so excited to meet Abi.

Easton: You have no idea how grateful I am for that. Abi is nervous about the move.

Carter: Hurry back. Need someone who can push me at the gym!

Levi: Fuck you too, Carter. I creamed your ass on that triplet this morning.

Jake: Let the old man be delusional, Levi. Today he believes he can keep up with a pro athlete, but the day we decide to run a 5K, all the excuses come out.

Brayden: Accurate.

Ethan: Y’all know you can stay relatively fit without killing yourselves competing with each other, right? Been doing it for years.

Carter: Really, Ethan? Do you even lift, bro?

Ethan: Oh, fuck off. I could out-bench you all every day of the week.

except the ones ending in

You have no idea how much I missed this

the screen and grinning like an idiot when George brushes his knuckles over my shoulder. “You’re awfully attached to that phone

glued to their screens, and he’s been known to pull out his old typewriter from time to time to pound out a draft

guilty feelings. “Easton was just updating everyone on

a brow, waiting for

wave a hand.

my neck. I pull away

just . . . There’s a lot on my plate right now. I’m still feeling a little lost about the future.” We haven’t talked about it since last week in his office. I

folds his arms. Gone is seductive George. He’s pulling out his Dr. Alby face. “You’re a defense away from completing your dissertation, and you have half a dozen interviews lined up for

“So?”

excited? You’ve worked for this

excited? Doesn’t it bother you at all that I might not even live here next year? That I might be on the other side of the country?” What the hell was that ring in your coat pocket? And

actually moves, but I can feel him retreat. “Shay, this is the nature of academia. We have to take what we can get. New PhDs in this field are lucky to find a tenure-track position at all. We don’t get to be picky about where we live.”

“I know that.”

explain what’s going on

wonder who is.” I mentally shake myself. I’ve never worried about George’s faithfulness before, and then I let Easton go and make me question it. I’m not sure what upset me more—the fact that Easton assumed a decent guy who wanted to date me must also be a cheater, or that the possibility didn’t wreck anything in me. George and I might not be forever, but

can’t avoid this anymore. “When you forgot your coat at the restaurant

head. “That’s what all this craziness has been about? You saw my ring and thought I was going to propose? Shay, we . . .” He grimaces then reaches for my hand. “I care about you, and

arches a brow. “I couldn’t think of

it into my pocket to

“I panicked.”

of him. The blanket falls to the floor, pooling around my feet. “What exactly

him. I just don’t understand why I’m never enough. But it’s not fair to put that on George when he’s not the one I’m so desperate

small of my back, pulling my hips flush against him. “I know how hard you’ve worked for this. I’m not going

to be that guy.” I swallow. “It’s just odd that you don’t seem to care that this

we were just having fun. Enjoying each other.” He lowers his mouth

into the kiss, willing myself to feel whatever it was that made this feel so good before Easton came back to town. But every movement of our lips and tongues

the bedroom, his mouth still on mine. “Come

did

his cheeks before he hides his face in my neck again.

“You called me Buttercup.”

He shrugs. “You’re cute.”

me that before. Do you

hate that I can’t see his face. “Who would I call that?”

know.” I just stand there as he trails kisses up the side of my neck and strokes up