He Got Me Pregnant

The shoot is starting already. Because I wanted this to be over as soon as possible, I did what it takes to make everything fast.

There were no retakes and that's what I really want.

After the shoot, I went back to my cabin to take a rest. They were editing the pics and we will have a party tonight but I am not in the mood because I don't want to see him again.

I grabbed my phone and dialled my babies back on Nevada. They are my aid, my vitamins, my strength. And it hurts me so much.

It hurts so much. Why does it has to be this complicated?

“Moma.” My babies greeted in chorus.

I only smiled; this isn't video call so they can't see the tears streaming on my face.

I hate this fuck. I don't really want this.

“Moma we miss you, when are you coming home?”

I sighed, hearing their voices right now is making me remember what I just read earlier. Their daddy's going to have another baby. They will have...a sibling from another mother.

Even though my family treated me like that I still grew up with them happily. They build an impression that a family should be perfect, should be happy and complete.

But right now, I think I'm really a failure and I deserve to be treated like that. I can't even give my children happiness of having a complete family.

“I will come back soon, loves.” I whispered softly.

I already took a bath after my last shoot. I am just lying in the bed, bare and sad from what is happening. I don't think I can continue hurting him now when I don't even want to see his face again.

doesn't know that

He doesn't deserve to know about my children

became like this. Every time I remember how he suddenly vanished years ago is making my

me but I can't. I'm still scared and it's so painful coming from his mouth that he left me years ago

I can

he finds out about my children and take them away from me? I don't think I can live a life without

day tomorrow.” My

the one attending

silence on the other side. It

have Mommies but they have daddies too? We have mommy

my lower lips. My babies were now really asking about these things. They are just 4 years old; they are

but he's working far that's why he can't

I

he is coming home? Will he

really don't know now whether my decisions

they were my sweetest mistake. They gave meaning

them, I never regretted the time I gave in myself

the same mistake. I

I have no shoot tomorrow; we will just go

cried a drum of tears before I finally fell

wasn't in a mood to do anything. I just went directly to the van and didn't move

I went inside together with the bodyguards Daryl

already preparing for a yoga

Daryl's smiling face, my

here.” I asked and get