“Christian! Christian!” Her voice is urgent, pulling me from the depths of my nightmare, and my despair. “I’m here. I’m here,” she cries.

I wake and Ana’s leaning over me, grasping my shoulders, shaking me, her face taut with anguish, eyes wide and brimming with tears.

“Ana.” My voice is a hoarse whisper, the taste of fear tarnishing my mouth. “You’re here.”

“Of course I’m here.”

“I had a dream.”

“I know. I’m here, I’m here.”

“Ana.” Her name is an incantation on my lips, a talisman against the dark, choking panic coursing through my body.

“Hush, I’m here.” She curls around me, her limbs cocooning mine, her warmth seeping into my soul, forcing back the shadows, forcing back the fear. She is sunshine, she is light. She is mine.

“Please, let’s not fight.” I wrap my arms around her.

“Okay.”

“The vows. No obeying. I can do that. We’ll find a way.” The words rush out of my mouth in a tumble of emotion and confusion and anxiety.

“Yes. We will. We’ll always find a way,” Ana whispers, and her lips are on mine, silencing me, bringing me back to the now.

Friday, July 8, 2011

Dr. Flynn rubs his chin and I don’t know if he’s playing for time or genuinely intrigued. “She threatened to leave?”

“Yes.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes.”

“So, you capitulated.”

“I didn’t have much choice.”

“Christian, you always have a choice. Do you think Anastasia was being unreasonable?”

I meet his gaze and want to shout yes, but deep down I know Ana isn’t

That’s you, Grey.

Unreasonable could be your middle name. Ana’s words haunt me. She said that, long ago.

Christ, my

“How are you feeling now?” Flynn asks.

“Wary,” I whisper, and my admission is

She could leave me.

Your feelings of insecurity and abandonment are coming to the fore

I remain mute, distracted by the sliver of afternoon light that brightens the cluster of mini orchids on his coffee table. What can I say? I don’t want to admit this out

“Is it giving you second thoughts about the wedding?” John

No. Maybe.

I’m afraid she’ll hurt me.

“No,” I answer, because I don’t want to lose her.

He nods, as if this is what

“I have.” I stifle my indulgent smile. “She’s a good negotiator.”

Flynn rubs his chin again. “Do you resent that?”

“Yes. Partly. I’ve given so

“You sound like

“I

“Have you thought about telling her that?”

“How mad I am? No.”

“Why not?”

I’ll say something I’ll regret and she’ll leave.

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