Call me Alpha

Chapter 18: Fear of losing

I was laying on my bed and Aiden didn't bother to follow me after I stormed out of his room. That made me mad even more.

I can feel my wolf crying inside, angry with what I had done. She wanted to be with our mate tonight. I ignored her and recalled what had happened.

The argument I had with Aiden burns the conscience inside me. I didn't intend for it to turn that way but I got swayed by my outrage. However, his reaction was necessary and rude.

He could have told me that he disagrees with what I said. It's not like I needed him to agree, I'm just trying my luck at chances.

Then he raged his fury to me like I'm not his mate! That angered me too much that I can still see red until now.

I intend to talk about Titus' case and if he won't agree then he could have told me, not to the extent that he'll use his power over me just to prove his position.

I keep playing over and over my head what had happened and once I'm tired of thinking about it, I decided to went out of my room.

I walked silently along the hallway, almost fleet my toes when I was in front of Aiden's room. The last thing I want now is to see him.

I walked downstairs with careful steps then grabbed a glass of water when I reached the kitchen. My throat is suddenly dry from thirst.

I looked forward to nowhere as I held the glass in my hand. Running my mind to what to do next.

Titus will probably rat me out tomorrow if he'll found that I failed to convince Aiden. The introduction ceremony can be his great advantage to tell everyone that I'm a stealer and I started to think twice if I'll bail out of the event.

If I delayed telling him I failed, he might get the wrong interpretation and might act hastily, giving me the same consequence.

If I'll tell Aiden myself what I am now, my best guess is he'll raise hell and there will be no introduction ceremony tomorrow. It's not like I'm after the Luna title but the people from the pack that I attended today already learned about the ceremony.

I also doubt that invites are not yet delivered to every one of the pack, Nick sure does his job well and that part was possibly taken care of.

I sighed as I was left with no more ideas. Everything my mind is running on and about leads to anything but a mess.

'Hey, you awake?' It was Seth who cut me out of my thoughts. I forgot that I have someone who I can talk to about my dilemmas.

'Yeah.' I replied as I put the glass of water down to the sink. 'Can we talk?'

'You know where the pool is?' his reply is fast, I bet he can't sleep the night after what had happened. His head must be full of wary.

'Yeah. I'll meet you there.'

I opened the door that leads to the underground and closed it silently. Making sure no sound will be made that may wake anyone.

The stairs are long and I thought I'll be welcomed by darkness but a dim light at the bar corner was open. Seth is already sitting on a barstool.

"Can't sleep?" I said as soon as he turned his head to look at me. Seth held a glass of whiskey as he lumped on his chair.

He nodded. "I needed a drink." he mumbled before taking a big gulp of the liquor. I have one person who knew what I am in a day and he already looked like a mess.

I sat on a barstool beside him and grabbed a glass for myself. I drank it straight, feeling it burns my throat as it glides down.

"Have you talked?" he asked. Turning his back on the bar and stared at the calm water in front of him.

I nodded and poured another shot before looking at the pool, too.

"How'd it go?"

"He was furious."

Seth hissed and took a sip on his glass. "Of course he will."

"Tampering with his decision is a bad idea." I mumbled. I admit and accept that my idea has failed and wrong. But still...

"Aiden had never let anyone meddle with his discretion. I doubted if he'll listen to you since what happened with his past left a mark on him. Though I thought you might have a chance."

I know I've said to myself before that I'll never be like Luna Tina but that's not what I was trying to do at all. I'm not trying to use the mate bond to influence Aiden.

"Well, I guess I'm just anyone for him..." My voice is low and hurt. I've been hurting and my fury is what I'm grateful for making cowering my pain.

"Ash..." his voice sympathize with me but I just shrugged at him.

"I thought we'll have a peaceful conversation but it's the opposite. Aiden even used his Alpha over me." I chuckled sarcastically but deep inside my wolf is crying as I try to halt the tears that start forming in the side of my eyes.

"He did?"

"Yeah. I didn't say anything bad for him to hit that extent." I scowled as I drink my whiskey. It's true though. I talked to him calmly and properly. It's not like I pushed him or pressured him to change his mind. Damn, I did not even finish any phrase.

Seth shook his head and sighed. "His past is a rough road. Just try to understand him for now." he said, I figured he was trying to console me but also taking Aiden's side. Seth got a point but what's not is Aiden's reaction and his insensitive words.

"I do understand him. I knew what he'd been through. I felt his pain. Every. Fucking. Pain! But tonight he implies that I'm voiceless! So what will I be beside him? Just a bearer of his child?"

I almost sob as a tear flow down my eyes. I am hurt. I hate how Aiden made me feel and what he said just made me realize that I have no seat beside him as a Luna. Hell, I'm not even sure if he sees me as one!

"Come on, Ash. He's just mad. He doesn't mean his words. Don't take it too seriously." He placed his hand on my back, gently rubbing it as I wiped the tears off my cheeks.

"He doesn't care what I think. He said it! It's like whatever I say, he won't hear any of it!" I wiped another tear and sniffed. "I'm this close about telling him the truth. But if he feels that way towards me then how can he understand that I'm a stealer?"

"Ash..." he didn't say anything further. I know he understands my point and he also doesn't have any resolve with my problem. He just tapped my back twice before rubbing on it again and that's enough for me. It's enough that I have someone I can freely talk with.

I'm on the edge of giving up. I got no options left and the only future I can see right now is a disaster.

"What's your plan now?"

I dried my cheeks and rubbed my nose as I shake my head. His question is what I've been asking myself for hours now yet I got no answers.

"All I'm left to do is wait for the worst." I sighed and drink my whiskey straight again. The alcohol doesn't seem to help me calm my nerves.

"Let me know what I can do to help." he said, mirroring my emotions. I feel bad for dragging him into this though I can't change anything now. Both of us could only worry about what will come.

It's midnight and already Christmas yet I didn't get the chance to greet Seth. We called it a night and I went to my room with a heavier heart. Aiden didn't show up and I guessed he's sound asleep by now.

I got an introduction ceremony and life to worry about later so I closed my eyes and hugged my blanket close to my chest.

Tonight is the first time I felt alone before going to sleep.

Aiden's POV

woke me up from my sleep. My eyes feel like burning as I tried to open

bed and realized that what happened

closed my eyes once again. I lost my patience again and snapped at

to. But she's trying to change my decision about taking Titus off his position as the pack's head

never let my mate intervene with the pack. And she just did, indirectly, but I feared that's a

help to cool my head. I can give her anything but an

night, her wolf is calling to mine, crying and whining over what happened. My wolf didn't let me rest as

I did not intend to. This is the first time that I hated that part of being an Alpha. I got a tiny thread of patience and when I get angry or irritated, my wild wolf will try to take

made me hissed and stood up. I can smell Nick that made me even more irritated because it

opened the door. His eyes were wide in shock, caught off guard of my anger. It's too early to start a bad

"Whoa. Chill. Merry Christmas?"

me

back to my bed and I sensed him follow inside. It's too early

to

me when I think of her hurt and angered expression last night. My wolf growl at me again, unhappy with how I treated her. I ignored him but

my throat. I'd love to know what she will do but my stupid pride keeps getting

back and formed his lips into an 'O', "Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed." He teased. How clueless can he be? He's annoying me so early

him loud that

is. Well,

snapped again and lay down on

not here, she's not home.

turned wide open and I almost

"What?!"

she run away because of what happened

Probably realizing that my

"Oh no."

stood up and grabbed my shirt. Why is my Gamma who's supposed

all I'm thinking right now is the hope she did run away. Or else, it will be the other way around which she might

who had an incredible speed. Did he

The guards will know

his bed. Where can Ashira go? Did

again. Nick didn't say a word again since my reaction just answered

sense her near and she's

stormed out of my room as I said that. Panic

This is your fault!

sure if she does run away but I hope she does than being captivated by an insane

and me as we moved out of the house. We

so I'm sure no one has entered the house.

where the fuck

of us

her scent is not there." Nick reported. My mind is turning blank as fear of losing her plays with my

her. She's my mate and

know where to find her or where she could be. She's

she be, Aiden?" Seth asked, probably thinking that I will know the answer to

know. She's new

the hope expressed in his eyes, almost beaming as he looked at me. I frowned at his reaction, why is

your spot on the day of the ball! That's the only

run to where the lake is when I halt and looked at Nick. My eyes narrowed at him and

I just hear him

said you

on my

him. My hand turned to a first as I feel

Seth mumbled and took

to Nick from my wolf. "I'll get back to you later."

blurry of Nick's unnecessary information and hoping my mate was at

cold. My eyes are still red that made my

I'm a few distances away, I caught her

reached the clearing, Ashira was turning her

my steps are slow and careful, closing the distance between us. The whole of me is relieved that

eyes softened as she looked at me, mirroring mine. We're a meter away and I wanted her wrapped around

was about to lock her in my chest and inhale her delightful scent but her expression changed with resentment, narrowing her

you here?" she spat and turned her head

She's still mad.

peace with my mate! I

head focused since his whines are not helping at all. I also feel the same as him so shoving

looking for you." My voice was low and pleading. I want her close. The distance we had

her chest. I assumed that she's used to the cold. She's only wearing a thin loose shirt and short tight shorts which I noticed

didn't say a word and her silence

My stubborn wolf peaked on my mind even though I

I sighed.

I've been thinking last night if I should say to her came out. I can feel my wolf cheered and wiggle his tail as he waits for

her eyes are scanning my expression. Her narrowed eyes are now

shouldn't have acted that way. It's a..." I gulped a huge lump on

turned her eyes away from mine again. "You used your Alpha over me." she complained. I sighed. This is the time where I

crawled my palm on

on my chest and my hand was gripping on her

again despite her reaction

is difficult

is almost a whisper. I knew I overreacted but I can't reign control most of the time. "Will it turn like that every time we'll disagree with

control around you. But I hope you won't question my decisions next time." I inhaled her scent when the tip of my nose touched

'I just thought', I'm not changing what

that now. Can

turning her body faced to mine and she obliged. I looked her in the eyes and it no longer

waist, burying her face on my neck. Inhaling my scent for it to fill

feels so

Christmas, mate."

looked up at me and gave me the most mesmerizing smile that

"Mery Christmas."

landed on her lips, I didn't think

soft moan escaped her throat as I groan from the

kiss her deeper or else I might do her right where

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