Eli slips his tattooed arm behind me, between my back and the bed, his hand gripping my shoulder from behind. His erection glides across my pelvic bone as he lifts himself a few inches above me. My entire body tightens from the sensation, knowing exactly what is about to happen.
"Baby," Eli softly says. "You have to relax. It's going to hurt like a bitch if you don't relax."
I let out a nervous laugh. "Thanks, babe. That's really going to help me to calm down," I tell him with sarcasm, causing him to chuckle with me.
I'm glad he's laughing. I'm glad I'm laughing. I just want us to be ourselves right now, and if joking around helps with that, then I'm all for it.
"I'm sorry," he chuckles as he bends down and kisses my lips. "Here," he says as he leans his body on mine, using his free hand to wrap one of my arms around his back. "Hold onto me."
I wrap my arms around Eli's back, under his arms, holding onto his shoulder blades.
He bends down and kisses my tattoo as his fingers circle my clit. He kisses his way up my neck, across my cheek, until his lips make contact with mine, instantly settling me. Eli grips his length as he leans up a bit, rubbing himself over my bundle of nerves and silently telling me what is about to happen.
He lines himself up with my center and very slowly pushes into me.
The pressure takes my breath away as my mouth gapes, but I keep my eyes open, looking at Eli. His mouth falls open from the sensation, and his eyes flutter, but he keeps his gaze locked on me. It's borderline unbearable, and he's not even in all the way, but I'm trying not to tense up and make things worse.
My fingers dig into the flesh of his back, trying to relieve the pain as Eli continues to push himself into me, filling me and stretching me, but I know he's attempting to be as gentle as he can.
"Fuck," he breaths out on an exhale.
Once he's fully inside of me, he drops his head to the side of mine, both of our chests rapidly rising and falling. His fingertips are digging into the top of my shoulder, and I can tell he's trying to hold himself back.
My eyes screw shut once he's no longer looking at me as I try to adjust to the feeling of him being inside of me. I bite my lower lip as I attempt to work through the foreign discomfort. Eli stays still, giving me time to adjust.
"Logan, you okay?" Eli asks as his breath tickles the skin of my neck.
I don't think I can speak just yet, so I nod my head against him.
He lifts his face to look at me, his brown eyes searching mine, trying to make sure I'm alright. I don't want him to worry about me, I can do this, so I wrap my hand around the back of his neck as I pull his lips to me. As our mouths explore each other's, Eli pulls back and slowly presses into me again. My eyes squeeze close from the sting as he gently thrusts into me.
Keeping our lips connected helps distract me from the uncomfortable feeling. Eli's fingers continue to dig into the back of my shoulder as he keeps his tempo slow. I squeeze his back every time his hips grind down into mine, and as difficult as it is, I try to stay relaxed. He pulls his lips away to look at me once again as he continues to slowly pump inside of me.
He looks like he wants to lose control, but he's trying so hard to keep it slow. His lips alternate from being gaped open and him biting down on them as he attempts to stay gentle with me. His breathing is strained and ragged, uneven and short. Even with his slow pace, I've never seen him like this, and I don't think I'll ever get tired of seeing his reaction to being with me.
With each thrust and heavy pant, the discomfort is lessening. I feel like I need to move a bit and adjust, so I bend one of my knees on the side of Eli's toned body. When he notices this, Eli grabs the back of my thigh and uses it as an anchor as he presses it into my chest with each slow drive. He takes his arm from behind my back and laces his fingers with mine, holding our hands next to our heads, pressed into the mattress, as his gaped mouth lingers above me.
"Talk to me, Logan," he moans. I realize now that I have yet to say a word since he entered me, but I finally feel like I can speak.
I'm not really one to talk dirty, and I don't think that's what he's asking for. I'm pretty positive he wants me to speak so he can make sure that I'm alright. I'm also not going to be that girl that continually says, 'I love you' while losing her virginity. Even though it's true, that just seems a little intense in an already overwhelming experience. I don't want to make tonight some big romantic show. I want to keep things as light as possible and enjoy it as much as I can. So I decide to try to lighten the mood instead.
"How was your day?" I ask, the words a bit strained as they leave my mouth, wincing as he pushes into me again, but I know that he will understand that I'm okay if I joke around right now.2
Eli's forehead drops to my chest in laughter. "I fucking love you," he says between laughs and heavy breaths. He leans up and kisses my smiling lips with his. "A lot better... right now," he says, struggling to get the words out between thrusts.
"You're okay... fuck... you're okay, though?" He asks, needing the confirmation.
I could not love this guy more. He's doing everything he can to keep it slow for me, and the only thing he's concerned about is how I am. I didn't know he was who I was waiting for, but I feel so lucky to be this comfortable with him and love this man as much as I do.
"Yeah," I tell him through a gasp as he pushes into me again. "I'm good." I kiss his sweaty forehead just to reassure him. Even though it's still uncomfortable, I want him to enjoy this and not worry about me.
I never expected to feel pleasure my first time, and I don't. Not sexually, anyway. But I absolutely love watching Eli unravel from finally being inside of me.
"Fuck," he groans. "You feel so fucking good, Logan," he says as his mouth gapes, and his eyes roll back. He takes the hand that was interlocked with mine and wraps it behind my back, curving around my waist, anchoring himself as he holds onto my hip.
He continues his movements, every once in a while placing a kiss on my damp skin or throwing out a curse word caused by the sensation.
The mixture of his hips meeting mine and the rain pelting against the windows outside causes a heavenly combination to overtake me as I let myself get lost in this moment and enjoy watching him this way. I knew I needed to trust someone to allow myself to completely let go, and I could not trust someone more than I do, Eli.
"I'm so close," he says, but I could already tell, thanks to his short breaths and contracting muscles. "I love you so much, baby," Eli adds.
Even though I thought I wasn't going to say it in the heat of things, to lessen the dramatic effect of it all, maybe he needs to hear the words right now, and I sure as hell feel them, so why not share.
"I love you too, Eli," I say with staggered breaths as I run my hands through his shaggy hair, holding onto the back of his neck.
He moans at my words as his head falls to my neck with a few more thrusts until his entire body tightens and jerks, my name falling from his lips with a couple of breathy 'fucks' thrown in there too.