I should have never come to this party. I should've just stayed home and studied like I had planned to do. I know the alcohol is making me more upset than I should be right now. If I were sober and thinking clearly, I would remind myself that I was warned about Eli. I would talk myself down off the metaphorical ledge I'm on by remembering I've only known him for a week, and I'll be able to forget about him in another. Except, even if I were sober right now, I would know I was lying to myself. I don't think I'll be able to forget about Eli for quite some time.
I make my way through the living room, eager to get as far away from him and Alyssa as possible. Seeing her lips on his stirred something inside me, and I feel like I'm about to lose it. I'm not going to cry. I never cry, but the vodka is making me more emotional than I should be right now.
As I'm rushing towards the back door, I feel a small hand grab my arm.
"Hey, you okay?" Ali asks, concern evident on her face.
"Yeah. I'm good. Just grabbing some air." I lie to her while plastering on the fakest smile I can muster.
She gives me a half-smile and releases my arm. I don't think she bought my lie, but she's not trying to fight me over the truth either.
I reach the back door and step onto the deck as the September air begins to cool me down. I'm warm from the anger and booze, so the chill in the air feels good against my skin.
I look up towards the night sky, fold my arms across my chest, and close my eyes. I take a moment to collect my thoughts and try to think logically about how I'm feeling.
On multiple occasions, I was told that Eli slept around a lot, and I was even warned that he was an asshole. Neither of these things should surprise me, but the guy I got to know over the last week was different from the picture painted for me by everyone else's opinions. I really thought he was different around me. .
I laugh aloud at my ridiculous thought. I'm an idiot.
My coming here for school was to focus on myself for a change. I was supposed to come here and study, spend time with my best friend, and not let another stupid boy make me feel like I'm not good enough. I've been here for seven days, and I've already failed miserably. Honestly, I shouldn't even be upset right now. It's not like I can be what he needs anyways. He wants a hookup, that's clear, but I am not a hookup type of girl. I've never even had sex before, though he doesn't know that yet.